mørke

the heart within

If you knew me, you would hate me

The lies I’ve told, it would be worse than beastly.

It races through my veins,

To the ones I loved, I’ve been nothing more than pain.

 

 I gave myself to the darkness,

Whispering to myself, I’m heartless.

It’s okay to be sad they said,

Turned all my whites to red

 

Tried to breathe it out,

My mind, lost its route.

 My heart flustered in terror

But I consumed it, knowing I was the error.

-alfred

Author's Note

let me know what u think!

Reviews

[AJNJ]

I think this is a fantastic reflection of a dark and uncertain state of mind. The pain is keenly felt and its got great visuals too. For a brief expression, your word choices are great and your rhyming and grammar is first rate. More than what can be said about most of the clueless general population!

[ALFRED]

thank you very much!

[HBN]

I'm not much for poetry, but, this is so relatable. Sometimes I also feel like I hurt people, maybe even think about me differently and say things behind my back. You stated it perfectly and I couldn't have said it much better myself. Great work!

[.]

I'd like to suggest focusing on word choice, it a very common issue even in general population that they don't have enough words to express their thoughts.
Well I don't mean to say this wasn't nice but just a suggestion. I love this genre of poetry. I took a lot out of me in recent years. Just keep writing, you can only improve next to next.
Nice write!
Keep writing, good luck! :)