Merry-Go-Round

A dance that has passed

I just finish my bagel with chunky peanut butter

as a gravel voice creeps behind my ear. 

"Will you dance with me?" 

"Just say yes. Be polite." 

*The Merry-Go-Round turns, playing a waltz.*

He takes my hand, and floats with me. 

His breath against my cheek

is the wind beneath us, lifting us. 

"Wow..."

*The Merry-Go-Round turns, whispering its melody*

He twirls me around - then stops short

his body pressed up against mine.  

From behind, he circles his hips slowly...

"Oh, two can play at this game."

*The Merry-Go-Round turns, daring to follow the glide of his body*

I can feel him now. 

I take a panicked step forward. 

He follows me - ramming into me. 

"Why is he being so rough?"

*The Merry-Go-Round turns, blissfully ignorant*

His left arm tightens around my waist. 

His hips aren't in sync with mine anymore. 

He seems off-beat on purpose. 

"I can take him, if it comes to that." 

*The Merry-Go-Round turns, without a second glance.*

The bagel turns to stone, 

sinking deeper and deeper into my gut,

fermenting, rotting in the pit of my stomach. 

"Don't worry. This is what guys do at a dance."

*The Merry-Go-Round turns, slightly quicker this time.*

My hands become clammy.

My face turns to fire. 

I need to throw up. 

"If you can't handle it - leave." 

*The Merry-Go-Round turns, spinning faster and faster.*

I count each speck on the white tile floor,

until I feel a slight warmth

slithering past my bellybutton. 

"Your clothes are still on. He hasn't done anything." 

*The Merry-Go-Round turns; here comes the crescendo!*

He pushes his forefinger

Where no one else would dare to. 

I gasp as my body reacts to his touch. 

"If you didn't like it, you wouldn't have done THAT."

*The Merry-Go-Round turns, mocking my swelling eyes.*

I feel as worthless,

as the urine-soaked newspaper

drifting by, laughing at the prospect of my flight.

"I need to find my friends, but thank you for dancing with me." 

*The Merry-Go-Round turns, giggling at every tear.*

"Ok," is all he says. 

His arms release me at last.

And I run, and run

And run...

*The Merry-Go-Round turns...

And turns...

And turns...

And turns...

And turns...*

Author's Note

Because of the very intense subject matter, I decided to make this poem mature. This, honestly, is a very selfish poem. I needed to write this to make sense of what happened. I hope you can all get something out of this. Thank you for stopping by, and have a great day.
PS I'm so sorry for posting late! I've been so busy with end of the semester work, but everything will clear up soon!
<3 Elisa

Reviews

[Thaddius]

yeah, really brave stuff. conceptually dynamic (whatever the f**k that means). Yeah... honest. So cool what you do with the merry go round-violation juxtaposition. I am drawn to your imagination, which I really don't say too much

[Elisa]

Thank you so much. I'm really glad you found something in this. Like I said, I wrote this really for my own emotional catharsis, but I decided to post it because I know some people can relate.