Man of Flame

I thought I had come all this way, 

and left the furnace filled with strength. 

Yet a single word falls from your mouth, 

and my heart turns an ashy white. 

Why are there still tears

dying to quench the heat

building up in my cheeks? 

Simply put, 

what have you done to me? 

I don't know if I have any fight left. 

I don't even know what I'm fighting for anymore. 

I'm just tired, 

tired of loving the man of flame. 

I should have listened 

and burned your picture when I had the chance. 

Now I'm just left with unspoken words

and sparks on my lips as they wait for yours. 

Can you hear my screams on this page, 

or the words of assurance I say to your face? 

Because for me, 

it's not over. 

It will never end, 

until I let go of the man of flame. 

Author's Note

This was honestly more like a stream of consciousness, so I would love any tips you guys have to make this better. Thank you so much for stopping by, and have a great day!
<3 Elisa

Reviews

[Eric]

Loved this. It's so deep and mysterious.

[Insight "MH"]

Emotions are deep, the suffering is plain. Thank you for sharing.

Insight.

[Elisa]

Thank you for reviewing Insight! This was definitely an emotional experience

[Nadia Gerassimenko]

For stream of consciousness, this is is well crafted. Passionate, delicate too. Heartfelt and saddening. What is the use of loving a man who keeps on burning you away? But it is also hard to let go of the man of flame, that flame that reminds you of how he used to burn the fire in you with passion and joy.

[Elisa]

Ugh story of my life though! haha you are so spot on. Thank you so much for the review!

[Nadia Gerassimenko]

Sorry love...it must be so tough! ;(.

[Elisa]

It definitely is, but it makes me stronger. Thank you so much dear. You are so kind!

[Mayank]

I think one should not make any changes to stream of consciousness, they look better with their rawness. For e.g. you carving for man of flame is well described.

[DoormanDan]

This poems reminds me of the kind of relationship problems a couple faces that eventually lead to them pretty much declaring World War 3.5(because 3 is nowhere near bad enough to describe major relationship related altercations) on each other. I really like this poem, It has a good amount of energy and possibly aggression behind it. The lines that really stood out to me were:

Can you hear my screams on this page,

or the words of assurance I say to your face?

Because for me,

it's not over.

Those four lines were brilliantly well written in my opinion. I'd say this deserves a 5/5. Fantastic job! :)

[Elisa]

Wow thank you so much! I really appreciate it :D

[sinNsincerity]

Mmm... the man of flam.., ashy white!
I loved this Elisa.
To be totally consumed to the point of no return.
This spoke to me on so many levels.

[Elisa]

Thank you!

[AaronFreitas]

I love the write my friend. I like the creativity and I like that it's you and your creation. For me I'm not big in saying correct this or change this because this is your art, your feelings and I did love it the way it is :)

[Elisa]

Thank you so much Aaron! I really appreciate that!

[E G TEN]

Hello Elisa, that man of flame is no man at all, let me
quench your thirst with some Glaze flavor Powerade! :-)
( my favorite ) this poem is well indented and speaks out
Your true feelings and emotions deep inside,, thanks for sharing ! :-)

[Elisa]

Haha thank you so much! I've never heard of Glaze flavor lol

[SuspectGray]

The heart wants what the heart wants....even if it is destructive to our soul.

[Elisa]

So true. Thanks for stopping by!

[~]

It is a definite stream of longing and unrequited love, and because of that nature i feel you should preserve it.
The only suggestion is changing the typo: have iistened to - have listened.

all the best! :D

[Elisa]

Thank you so much!