the beat of the rain

the beat of the rain

if we run with the beat of the rain
through the abandoned lot
where the tin sings from the dumpster
and the pawn shop sign flashes
through the thick dark
we should be able to warm ourselves
by the iron grate vents
behind the jewelry store

we will entwine & sit
against the brick wall
I can cement there, the soft story
of the diamond inside
on blue velvet
and of the moon
that you intend to give me
when the rain stops.

Reviews

[Ed Hart]

what can I do, but bow?

[Greg the Bard]

Short and sweet. Very well done.

[W.k.kortas]

Wonderful juxtaposition of the promises we all make-- the "diamond", even "the moon"--with the spectacle of a couple in straitened circumstances (the abandoned lot, dumpster, pawn shop, and heating grates). Reminscent of parts of Anthony Kennedy's novel Ironweed, or the Pogues' "Fairytale of New York". There is a clear picture of people down on their luck, but there is the glimmer of hope that never leaves us at the end. Marvelous imagery and finely crafted.

[Olivia Carmine]

Really nice. Very urban, but atmospheric.

Although this line:
"and of the moon
that you intend to give me
when the rain stops."

makes it sound like she's about to moon him. (No offence.)

Other than that, I loved it.