Gehrmen (oh............good Hunter)

a seemingly simple conversation

Gehrmen (oh....................good Hunter)

The garden was quite beautiful.....serene even.....two cherry-blossom trees grew on either side of the stone bench, interlacing and weaving amongst each other. Branches entangled, like two lovers in a heated embrace. It being autumn, many of the vibrant pink petals littered the cobble-stone path snaking its way up to the manor. Lilacs and lilies lay amongst the landscape that lacked stone, aging and wilted according to season. A dismal, barren bleakness kissed the clouds above while the sky was somber and saturated in grey. The birthing of a fog began to swallow the surrounding area, abandoning a gloom to loom in its wake.

Gehrmen sat alone on the stone bench, staring at the birdbath in front of him, lost in a relic of reverie. Whispers danced upon the air, a voice faint, remembering what she said; delicate hands, brushing his face softly, "oh............good Hunter." His eyes welled, overflowing on cheeks below, struggling to swallow the sadness but only choked on anguish. In times of feeling lost and helpless he would turn to her for answers........guidance........comfort. It all seemed so far away.........she was gone.

Glancing down, he watched the Black Lotus twirl between his fingers........ until a fumbling to his left pulled him from his dreamstate. Clumsily, a child clambered her way onto the stone, settling next to him. Quizzically, he quickly gave the area an oscillation of the head before his gaze landed back on the young girl, nestled next to him. Her tattered long ashen grey sundress hung low from the stone as she readjusted, tucking a small stuffed snow owl underneath her left arm. Once content and comfortable, she pushed a halo of floury brown hair from her face, revealing an opaque water-lily snuggled delicately behind her left ear.

As she fixed her gaze upon Gehrmen, he noticed her right eye was solid jet; accompanied by a light, reflective sheen. A splintering of thin black lines cracked themselves down her cheek, creeping past her neck and ending at the shoulder. 

"Hello," she said smiling brightly.

"Hi," he said peering over his shoulder, watching the fog thicken; shrouding the path and manor entirely.

"I'm Rosaria," she said, fixing her gaze to the birdbath in front of them, "but my mum calls me Rosey."

An awkward moment passed as the breeze flecked pink petals ornately around them, some landing in their hair and some gently swaying themselves into the birdbath. 

Gehrmen narrowed his eyes a bit saying, "Why would your mum name you Rosaria, just to call you something different?" There was a brief pause before he continued, "She could have just named you Rosie......you know if that's what she wanted to call you....." He noticed she was staring at him blankly, with her mouth slightly agape. "Or, uhm......... I guess it really doesn't matter, does it? Never mind......" he gave a quick shake of the head, slightly embarrassed.

"But...........mummy didn't name me," she said matter-of-factly with a confused tilt of the head, petals falling off it and landing into her lap, "my papa did." 

He tried to brighten his tone and put on a smile, but only managed a cracked falsetto accompanied by an awkward grin,

"Its just............." he cleared his throat with a feigned cough, "it just seems like a wasted bonding compromise." He continued, "You know, that old saying; Two stone and all that....Or, wait, is it....." he stroked at his beard thoughtfully, "two birds, one stone...... at any rate, you figure they would've had a conversation about it.'I want to name her Rosaria'," he said with a deep throaty voice, gesturing wildly. "Then your mum could've re-buttled with something like, 'Not a chance, I want to name her Rosie'," he said in a high tenor, doing his best impression of a lady. Returning to his regular voice, he continued," then they would've had a romantic moment and all. Smiling at each other as they both fawned over you. One big bundle of...........uhhhhh" he trailed off oafishly, noticing Rosaria was staring at him with a huge smile from ear to lobe.

"Are you always like this?" she giggled.

"Like this?!" he pretended to be offended, "What's 'this',eh?"

"I dunno," she said shrugged, "silly."

"Well......." his demeanor softened, "I suppose I've been known to be silly from time to time. But you have to promise not to tell anyone. I can't risk my reputation coming into question because of a seven year old little girl." 

"HEY!!!" she said taken aback. "I'm nine!!"

 "Even worse," he said mimicking her body language, "I have an image to uphold. We can't have people going around thinking I'm silly all the time." "Why?" she said stroking one of the stuffed snow owls wings absent mindedly, "what's wrong with being silly?"

"Well, I........" he thought a moment, then shrugged, "I'm not entirely sure..... I guess I don't have a good answer for that." he smiled meekly; then turned his attention back to the birdbath. 

"Is it because you're a Hunter?" Rosaria asked quietly, looking down at her feet. He snapped his head in her direction with a confused, contorted face. Before he could respond, she looked back up at him saying, "It's ok........ I know what that is," Rosaria pointed at the double helix embroidered on his lapel and continued, "it's The Augur......... a prog...nost...," she fumbled in her pronunciation, "a prognostication of darkness. It's the mark of the Hunter." she pursed her lips and gave a firm nod of the head.

"Clever little bird." he couldn't help but smile. "Is that why you carry around the little owl? Allegorical like, eh?" "ummmmm........ I don't know what al...icke....gore....igle means," she shrugged, "but mum says owls are suppose to be real smart...... and my owl Seech has been around forever...... he used to keep her company when she was little like me." 

"Is that so? Company is a rare thing to come by lately; and the good kind even more so..... hold him near and dear clever bird.....I can't recall the last time I had company as good as Seech there." he gave a sigh, fingering at his lotus. Gehrmen continued, "Keep a close eye on him, somebody might try to steal him away from you."

Rosaria's complexion turned radish red. A horrified expression stole itself across her face. 

"WHAT?!?!?" she clamored. An unfathomable tirade unleashed itself from the young lady's lips, "You're STUPID!!!! Me and Seech do all stuff together, ALWAYS!!!! I go where he goes and we watch out for each other. We're the bestest friends that's ever been.......EVER!!!!!" Rosaria pulled the snow owl closer, cradling him with an anger-furrowed brow, "You can't just go around saying dumb things like that........its MEAN!!!!!!! and like my mummy would say, very unbecoming," she leaned in a bit closer with a venomous, piercing glare, lowering her voice almost to a whisper, "especially for a man of your stature, Mr. Hunter."

"NO!!!! I didn't mean......." he stumbled and fumbled for the right words, "I wasn't suggesting any......uhhhh..... and you seem to have it quite under control........ I take it back......I'm sorry........" Gehrmen timidly and slowly extended his hand, "please I beg of your pardoning.......Truce?" 

Her face was full of reproach, arms crossed and constricted, tightly cradling Seech. She stared at his hand for a long toxic, quiet moment.

Shifting her gaze back up to his eyes she said, "Fine......I accept your sorries.........only if......." she lightly placed her hand in his, "you promise........NEVER...... to say stuff like that ever...never again." 

"Ever......Never," he gave a curt nod and raised his other hand, "I promise."

Rosaria relaxed a bit and began to hum to herself atonally as Gehrmen dug into his travel cloak, producing two deep red apples. Gehrmen quickly recognized the tune she was humming and began to whistle the counter harmony, handing her an apple. A few notes here and there were off key, but neither one of them seemed to mind, only stopping when the lullaby was done. They ate their apples in a mutual, respectful silence; enjoying each others company.

As they finished up their snack, Gehrmen handed Rosaria a kerchief to clean her hands and face and he did the same. 

"You know......"he said, placing the kerchief back into his pocket,"The Berceuses of Blood is not just a run of the mill tavern song every Mother, Minstrel and Maiden know. How is it someone as young as you has come to know of it? Was your father apart of the Proletariate?" A long moment passed. Rosaria let the silence fill the void that settled itself uncomfortably between them. Her demeanor had changed dramatically; going from giddy to austere in the blink of a cliche. When she finally spoke, her voice was hardly a whisper.

"My Papa was a Vicar for the Magistrate, when the Hunters and the church were still friends, before Mr. Ludwig was the head Hunter." Rosaria continued softly, "They was really good friends, Papa and Mr. Ludwig. They used to come over all the time and have dinner and get togethers, you know..... celebrations and all that. Mr. Ludwig's daughter, Iosefka, was a little older than me, but we didn't care, we were still great great friends." Rosaria smiled meekly before resuming, "We were so good of friends, when she got her music box she told Mr. Ludwig that she didn't want it unless I could have one as well," she shifted some... this way and that, pulling Seech closer, placing the little owls head under her chin. Rosaria continued, "And so, Mr. Ludwig gave me one too. I would play it every night before I would go to sleep. I thanked them bunches for it. It was one of my favorite things that I had." Rosaria unconsciously moved a bit closer to Gehrmen, saying, "Not much time after that, Iosefka got really sick. Then they had to take her to the Garden, and I never saw Iosefka again." her voice was shaky, breaking at the end.

The air became thick and palpable, like she was underwater. Her stare was catatonic, she was gazing into the abyss, and it was staring back at her, beckoning. Gehrmen placed a comforting hand on her shoulder but remained silent. He knew saying anything would be intrusive, this was her moment, and he was no emotional tourist; he would wait for her to come back on her own. 

"My Papa said after Iosefka went to the Garden, Mr. Ludwig got sick too. But it was a different sort of sick is what mum told me. Mum said it was his mind that got sick," Rosaria said breaking the silence.

"I'd imagine your mum had the right of it," Gehrmen said removing his hand from her shoulder and continued," After that Mr. Ludwig was appointed the Head Hunter by a sympathy vote. That was the beginning of the end for the Proletariate. The Hunters were deemed monsters. Hunting the one thing we were supposed to protect."

 Rosaria turned her attention back to Gehrmen,"That's when the Hunters turned bad........ and went to the Valley?"

 "That's right," he said softly, "The Valley." Gehrmen toyed with the Lotus in his hand, distracting himself.

"Is that why you came to put your flower in the pool?" Rosaria lowered her voice to a whisper, "Because you're a Hunter?" Gehrmen let out a long sigh, passing his hand over his forehead. "Something like that. But I always tried my best to do good......Even if it was for the wrong reasons. I suppose it doesn't change the fact that I've done a lot of wrong, even if it was for the right reasons." 

"Why don't you just do good stuff for good reasons? Wouldn't that be easier?" she asked innocently.

"Sometimes you have to do what is right.......Not what is easy. But when you're..........you know," he gestured pensively in her direction, "they never let on how complicated things can get." "Bugger me....." he placed the Lotus in his front pocket and continued, "who would've guessed such things existed. There are actual situations, no matter what you choose......it'll be the wrong one either way. Nobody prepares you for such things. Life isn't that simple." 

"Well...... my Papa use to say, the only thing that should be simple are lack-withs, " she smoothed some wrinkles out of her dress, "and to expect anything different would be just plain greedy." 

"I think you mean lack-wits, "he said with a grin. 

"Whatever......"she shrugged, "if it's wits they lack or something they are lacking with, in the end its all the same. The point is, they lack, "she gave a self-assured smile, bordering on arrogant. 

"Ok, ok......Clever Bird," he put up both hands dramatically, "you got me."

The air stirred with a sharp burst, sending a pink and violet dust-devil trailing across The Garden, petals and flora dancing together in a frostbitten autumn vortex. Rosaria giggled a bit, enjoying the duet of colors, until the wind returned to a still. "So......"she prompted, settling Seech in-between them, swinging and kicking her feet absent mindedly, "was it a good bad that brought you to the birdpool, or was it a bad good?" 

"This time I think it was just a bad bad." he said as the air hung heavier, the precipitation became almost palpable.

Gehrmen turned to Rosaria, focusing his attention on her left eye instead of the right jet black one. Her left was the color of powdered amethyst under the light of the moon; a silvery vibrant blue. 

"Ok...."she prodded, "what was your bad bad then?" 

"Take your pick," he said with a manic chuckle, "my failure as a husband, as a father, hell why not both. How about my inability to save somebody from an inevitable, self-destructive dance that ultimately ended in her death. Oh......and don't forget me alienating the only person who loved me for just being me. Trust me Clever Bird, this could go on indefinitely, pick your poison."

"Hmmmm......"she began thoughtfully, "how about the one where you turned the only person who loved you into an alien?" "Oh boy....."he rubbed his temple with both hands, "I see sarcasm isn't a secondary language for you." He didn't actually expect her to pick one, "And I didn't turn her into an alien, I pushed her away.... shut her out. That's what 'Alienate' means." "Oh........ well, if she just wanted to love you, why didn't you just love her back then?" she said, slightly abashed from her previous statement. 

"There're too many answers for that I'm afraid. "He said.

"oh...........no no no," her voice became deathly serious, "don't be afraid," she placed her hand on his, "me and Seech are here for you. Besides, they're just thoughts and feelings. There's no need to be scared." 

"You're too kind Clever Little Bird," he gave her a faint smile and turned his attention to the birdbath and continued, "I can assure you; she deserved better than the likes of me. She was wonderful, where I am meek. Honest where I am devious. Her kind to my cruel. Sound to my neurotic." Gehrmen turned his attention back to Rosaria and continued, "Believe me, I pray to be more like that one. Beautiful as the day is long, she is. Broke what little heart I had left, leaving things the way I did between us." Gehrmen let out a long breathe and said, "But whether she would agree or not, it was for her own good. I would have only complicated her. My misery would feed on her, rotting her from within............ Good riddance, for I am vile and foul child........"

A solemn silence passed between them until............ 

"Geeze.......... Drama Queen!!!" Rosaria began to laugh hysterically. Gehrmen stared at her, mouth agape, stunned by her reaction; and then joined her. 

"I guess I am a bit, aren't I?!?!?" he said catching his breath, "Vile and Foul," he said mocking himself; gesturing wildly, "who talks like that anyway, eh?" As their laughing subsided, Rosaria and Gehrmen passed the kerchief between them once again, dabbing at the tears of laughter.

"Tell me then....."he began, dabbing his eyes gently, "little miss 'I've got it all figured and sorted', what brings you here then, eh?" 

"The two driving, "she tapped her temple with her index finger, "up here....... can't seem to agree on where we're headed, if you'll pardon the pun." Rosaria continued with a wry smile saying, "Constantly fighting about which road to take and in what direction. I'm only a backseat passenger as of late it seems and I'm sick of it truthfully." Rosaria leaned in a bit closer to Gehrmen and concluded with, "So while they were caught up bickering with one another, I jumped at the wheel and gave it a nice sharp tug....." she gave a gesture slightly resembling a curtsey.

"Tired huh??" he said, but it was more of a statement than a question. 

"I guess," she said, removing the water lily from behind her ear, "mum told me you should fix something when it breaks. But..." she shrugged, "I don't think there's fixing something that never worked to begin with."

"Ahhhh......"he said with a knowing look, "narcoleptic then, eh?" 

"What's narcolep....." before she could finish, he gave a dismissive wave of the hand. 

"Well........... anyway," she continued, tossing her Lilly into the birdbath, "I'm past ready to see what's beyond these ground clouds......" she climbed off the bench, just as awkwardly as she climbed on it. She stood there hesitantly for a moment then continued, "Will you come with me.........I'm kinda scared." she extended her hand towards him, "please, Hunter."

Gehrmen gave her a smile and stood slowly. "I was going to ask you the same thing, Clever Little Bird," without looking he tossed his Lotus into the water, it landed next to the Lily, "I'm a bit nervous myself." Gently placing his hand in hers, they looked at each other and gave a stern nod of the head. 

"I can't wait to see Iosefka again....."Rosaria said as they started walking, "I have loads of stuff to tell......."her sentence was cut short when Gehrmen stopped abruptly. 

"What's wrong?" she asked, looking up at him. Giving her a knowing look, he raised his eyebrows with a smile and gestured with his head towards the bench.

Rosaria turned around, gasping at what she saw on the bench, she almost forgot Seech. She snatched the tiny stuffed snow owl from the stone, cradling him tight. Rosaria placed her hand back into his, looking up at him with a grin saying, "oh................good Hunter." 

And together............. they disappeared.................Deep into the White.

Author's Note

This is just a rough draft. And yes, Rosaria is full of malapropisms, so it is intentional but hopefully you get it. Thank you for reading this and I welcome all feedback good and bad. It's what makes one become better.

Reviews

[JayG]

First. Stop playing with text alignment. The reader has expectations as to how to format. Make it up as you go, for pretty, and you've made the job of reading harder.

• “The garden was quite beautiful.....serene even.....two cherry-blossom trees grew on either side of the stone bench, interlacing and weaving amongst each other.”

1. Here is where you lose most readers, and where a publisher would reject this. “The garden?” This is meaningless to a reader. We could be in Eden, on an English estate, in someone’s backyard vegetable garden, or…. You know where and when we are. Those in the story know. The reader? Not a clue. And a confused reader turns away, right-then.

2. You’re connecting two independent and not closely related sentences with an ellipsis. That, too, would bring immediate rejection.

3. Trees don’t “interlace and weave.” Branches that are shaded stop producing leaves and don’t continue growing.

• It being autumn, many of the vibrant pink petals littered the cobble-stone path snaking its way up to the manor.

Seriously? Cherry trees, like most fruit, bloom in spring. In autumn, the cherries have grown, been picked, and eaten.

You’re treating this cinematically, and telling the reader what they would see were they watching the film version, trying to sound literary as you do. But…who cares what kind of tree is there? Would the story change were it a birch tree. No. Is he focused on the tree? No. So why are you telling the reader about what he’s ignoring? Begin with HIS story, not a lecture on what you visualize as being there.

You give the protagonist's a name. But…is he an adult, child, a begger, or a...? That matters. But because you mentally see the image, and know the situation, you assume the reader can, too, and leave out necessary detail. Are we in Ancient Rome or Chicago today? You have context, backstory, situational data, and, intent making it real…for you. The reader? No context, no backstory, and no access to your intent.

So…. You’re writing what comes to mind, trying to TELL the reader a story. But, you’re leaving out context for what you have in your mind's eye, leaving the reader wondering what’s going on, where we are in time and space, and whose skin we wear.

Can the reader hear the emotion you place into your voice when you read it? No. Can they view your performance? No again, because what you’ve given the reader is your storyteller’s script, which can only work if:

1. The reader performs it exactly as you would.
2. The reader has the context you left out.

Bottom line. Fiction Writing, like any profession, has a body of knowledge and skills that must be acquired in addition to the general skills of school. In the case of writing, we were given only the writing skills needed for reports, letters, and other nonfiction that employers need. Use it for fiction and it reads like a report, fact-based and author-centric.

But fiction entertains, and so, needs emotion-based writing, an approach not mentioned as existing in school. In short: To write fiction, even on a hobby level, you need the skills that the pros feel are necessary because nothing-else-works.

Try this: Debra Dixon’s, GMC: Goal Motivation & Conflict is a warm easy read, and an excellent introduction to how to add wings to your words. Take a read of the excerpt, on Amazon, to see why you need what she can supply.

You have the desire, the perseverance, and the story. To that, add the skills needed to bring your story to life, and there you are.

And for an overview of the traps and gotchas awaiting the hopeful writer, you might check a few of my articles and YouTube Articles.

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

- - - - - - -

“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”
~ E. L. Doctorow

“Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.”
~ Alfred Hitchcock

“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”
~ Mark Twain

[ETERNITY]

Hi, I have to agree with JayG as far as all those dots. An ellipsis (three dots) is enough to suffice. Good luck.

[Pneuma747]

Thank you, Jay G, for your feedback. This is just what I'm looking for in responses. I'm no writer by any means but would like to figure out how to become better and more fluid with my writing. I appreciate you saying something.