Played With

Wasting time

Their playing with their clocks again

Their playing with their flags

Their saying your mortality

has no more time than lags

Their offering up your screen savers

and offering up your lives

Their praying for your wallpaper

in all the time that thrives

They'll send you little icons

They'll send you your emoji's

You'll wonder if you're still ideal

and not just one more boggie

Author's Note

Wasting time is a early death

Reviews

[JayG]

It's ""they're," not their."

That aside... "They?" You know who "they" are. "They" know. But the reader? To them, someone they know nothing about is talking about unknown people, for no known reason. When you say, "Their playing with their clocks again," The reader doesn't know why anyone would play with a clock, or what that would be. So as the line is read, it's meaningless.

The problem is that as author, you have two things the reader lacks: intent and context. So for you, who have the details of what led to this unknown person making the statement, and what it means, the line makes perfect sense. But for the rewader...even if it's later clarified, there's no second first-impression. So...why would a confused reader want to read on?

The trick to avoiding this is twofold. First, is keep in mind that the reader requires context as-the-line-is-read. Next, is to edit from the seat of a reader, one who arrives not knowing where we are in time and space, what's going on, or, whose skin we wear. And if you don't make the line meaningful to that person, as-they-read, you'll lose that reader.

Some time spent digging out a few of the tricks the pros take for granted would be time well spent.