Spoken Word Entry (Facebook)

Spontaneous combustion on 7 / 10 / 2015

I can hear the heat in the vegas traffic / I can taste the pool water / 

sitting here on the lumps of my mattress / I even can taste the lively 

daylight, a confection of life's commotions, sweet gobbstoppers, and sour gummies / 

I can feel the tug of the outside / sirens beckoning from earth and sky / inside

I can smell the trees pantomiming existence : the scent of church : gardenias : what sights 

waking wide --eyes that love to awe in worship / Life / 

and I am sitting indian style, in my bedroom coffin / 

peering through a digital window, at the world I want to feel /  

I am the blue pill consuming a matrix steak of ignorance called bliss / 

and the emotion that is strongest, is a bad word known as /

Need... / 

please free the caged bird / 

see what new songs / what more can be heard / ... / please?! 

Pretty Please??!!

Reviews

[KWP]

:) I like it ... and I am riding silent solo alongside (promise not to be noisy)

It's a good piece - I just wonder how much more punch punch impact it would have if you lost all the 'i can's, I feel's' I find that to be very 'telling' whereas if perhaps you just got rid of them or reworded the reader could perhaps sink deep in and sit indian style - sipping on a lovely chai, eating bhel puri and sipping on a lovely sweet lassi with you right in the heart of the strip whilst watching the daily going's on :)

Much Love X

[Butch Decatoria]

People watching gets old, not very many people in vegas interest me or are interesting... there's a beautiful world out there and most people just make it ugly... but I digress, thank you so much for review. this was a spur of the moment kind of thing, hadn't even thought to edit or rewrite, but you are right tho' I often over use I... I'll try what you suggested... thanks again.

[KWP]

I'd have to agree people watching on the strip would get boring - all the old cliches bobbing along in their own form of revelry ... :) take care X