Because

Had to vent, this is still in it's first stages - not having had a read thru or edit for poetic substance, rythm or ideal/message...

I am numb. My insides want to cry so

badly. Let it out - the unspoken angry yellow "have a nice day" smile

upside down frustration

having to listen to you fake your concern

saying the "L" verb without action.

 

I am numb. Lack of sleep and encouragement

has me--self deficating inside my head

a mind full of toilet water

clogged and unable to flush

so immediately direct ourselves to the rush

fumbling for feelings in the dark

looking for us--but forgetting who we were

before the lush...

 

I am numb.

And you say you want to help me. But I do not

believe anylonger--now I do not have faith in myself

self-destruction is an easy bake oven

with clay cookies not meant to be edible...

 

You say to love me is to help me

but they are two different pages, from two separate books

you want to help me because:

    I am weak, I've gone crazy, I'm broke, Jobless,

    Lacking self-worth

Help me because:

    It will make you feel better (about yourself or about us?)

    You feel guilty for having dragged me through your

    closet so full of skeletons & webs

because: you say you love me

that does not make sense...

 

Love me because:

you adore my crooked teeth when i smile,

    you feel alive with me and do not need to surf the web

    you miss me when I am gone, or vice versa

because you feel whole--finally can have a full night's rest

Love me because i relieve your stress

not because I look better, younger, fresh...

not because I am a trophy to be passed around

      for others to place their grease and fingerprints on my shine

not because you can brag about how our ages

      defy conventional eyes

Love me just because - you love me...

I have not felt that in so long...

 

I am numb...

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[Ed Hart]

i think we've been dating the same girls...