.:My Feeble Heart:.

I am standing here with my heart in my hand, but yet you still walk away..

My Feeble Heart


I am standing here
With nothing but vulnerability
On my sleeve�

My heart is in my hand
As I watch you leave.

Is this what you want?
Do you want me to grieve?

I�ve given you my all
Should I beg on my knees?

Gravity pulls me down.
I start to fall,

Or was that you?
I hit the ground.

Confusion on my face
As my body starts to hurt.

You vanish without a trace
But you leave this ghost

Haunting me, taunting me�
Your memory follows me

I am left to wonder
If you can still hear my plea

So I yell louder into the dark
And the only answer is my echo.

I am standing here
With nothing but hatred
On my sleeve�

Author's Note

Your honest opinion would be greatly valued..thank you..

Reviews

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

I think this is a good write, and I can definetly relate to handing my heart out to someone just for them to step all over me. However, there were a couple of lines that seemed to throw it off a bit, and the rhyme scheme was a bit off too. Mostly around the middle of the piece.

"Or was that you?
I hit the ground.

Confusion on my face
As my body starts to hurt.

You vanish without a trace
But you leave this ghost"

Other than that, this is a great write and I believe it as some potential. I suggest playing with the lines I mentioned as to not throw off the piece so much. Thanks for sharing this with me. Great Write.

[Victor]

this is very deep and itriuged me. The effect of the ghost was really good telling how it effected the soul!
Good write! I hope to read more of your works soon!

Always,
Victor

[Rhonda]

I like the image of a ghost being left with you.

I think there were a lot of images in this piece that you could have taken a step further. There were so many great little sparks of things, I wanted to know more!

Nice piece!

-R

[Amanda Avalon]

Is this what you want?
Do you want me to grieve?

I've given you my all
Should I beg on my knees?

There are people that may enter one's life that evoke these questions in us. Why do we play games with each other instead of telling each other how we really feel? I like this piece because it vividly displays a feeling of loss, slight regret, and resentment- all very raw human emotions many can relate to. Thanks for the share!

[Crystal Mullings]

My heart is in my hand
As I watch you leave.

Is this what you want?
Do you want me to grieve?

Sounds like exactly what I am going through

[These Haunted Hallways]

Wow, yea i can relate here as well. Leaving that door open to let someone in to love and comfort you, but instead breaks your heart, and you're left there standing alone, broken once again. Awesome job with this!

B.A.

[Kevon]

wow, this is very well written and very emotional.I admire u for it

[Andrew Reeves]

I feel the pain in this piece. You do a great job of bringing that pain to the surface, and I think that's what drives the poem.

My favorite line:

"Haunting me, Taunting me,
Your memory follows me"

Very powerful!

Great job. Thanks for the read.

~Andrew

[Robert Wilson]

Confusion on my face
As my body starts to hurt.

This line could have used some tinkering. But the flow and rhythm of this piece is superb. Keep it on writing, my friend!

[Nana Carmine]

Wow. Honestly I love this poem and I relate to it really well. You did a great job! I really really like it- write on

~Nana Carmine

[Yvonne Heidt]

My honest opinion is: It's excellent. Very descriptive and it punched me in the gut. Anyone who has felt this pain would be able to relate and curl up defensively in empathy.

Beautiful job.