One more chance

I am stuck in a land of desolation

This time it’s not my delusion.

An evil force has blown up everything.

All I can see is the crumbled buildings.

The Sun has stopped shining

The big dark clouds are reigning

Curses are weighing more than prayers

Destruction is prevailing everywhere

My ankles are locked by chains of sin

Within venomous mud I am nearly dousing

Those filthy hands are pushing me more

Lord! Give me one chance

I will clean up my soul

Before these ravens satisfy their craves,

Lift me up.

I promise

I will clean up my soul

Lift me up

Lord! Lift me up

Reviews

[Jack V.]

Writer help me out here please: I don't get it. Sorry, poetry is not my forte. I like how you've written this melodious poem but I'm trying to sift through the words. All I can pull from it is pain. I'd like to leave a positive review, because this is a good piece and you're a good write, but I'm poetry-illiterate :/ lol. Help? What are you trying to talk about? What caused you to write this?

[writer in trial]

Lol. :D. Well you guessed it right. Nowadays i have started writing some poems,though i am more into stories.
This poem is simple only. its all about how this world is deteriorating by evil deeds and all and the person is becoming the victim of it. I just add few metaphors to make it look little bit poem type. I wrote it instantly just because i wasn't feeling stable. I was sick and tired of these people and their cheap thoughts and of course myself too. So i wrote this. :D :D
Thanks for reading btw and you were right actually. So you aren't poetry illiterate. :D :D
tc:)

[Jack V.]

lol, cool thanks. Glad to know "I'm getting it." Haha. Keep up the work, I think I'm subscribed to ya.

[writer in trial]

Thanks Dear. :D
How?? I just sent this poem as a read request to you. That's why. Sorry i don't have so much knowledge about this subscription and all. :D :D. I search for the writings and the news feed sometimes show me that you or my friends have posted this. So i read those. :). But just send me read requests for your writings. Whatever i read till now, all i had seen in news feed. :D

[Jack V.]

oh. I thought I was subscribed to your profile or something like that. Could be mistaken. Either way you're popping up on my feed.

[Leandro Mendez]

great work!! felt the pain and the sorrow and how you want the chance desperately, loved it :)

[writer in trial]

Thanks Friend :)

[Samuel Jack]

There is one more chance, but only on an individual level, humanitys screwed :) lol

A relentlessly dark poem with light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not a religous person so I'm not getting much out of the "lord lift me up lines". my answer would always be lift yourself up or if another person helps you great! But at what point did an invisible silent creature help you? These are just my preachy views lol (Are you christian? Sorry if i have offended, i tend to drone on about religion)

I think when you say "Before these ravens satisfy their craves" The proper word would be "cravings" but you are a poet so you're allowed a little artistic liscense with the words. i thought I'd just point it out :)

The poem was good again Dost. i would love for you to write a poem in Hindi for me to translate.

Aapka

Samuel.

[writer in trial]

Even if i am not religious. But when i get fed up, the 1st line that comes to my mouth is "Oh Lord! why ?? ". I don't believe in prayers, visiting temples and all rituals.Never understand the concept. What i do is talk to myself. :). But i do beilieve in miracles and sudden disasters. So somehow it gives me a feeling of good and evil powers. I willn't say like God is Jesus or Allah or something like that. Rather i would say there are positive and negative energies behind everything. :D :D. I have seen miracles in my life where a man loses all kinds of hope. In that case i believe that some kinda of energy is there which is controlling everyone and at the same time destructing them. This control over life and death make me think that some supreme energy is controlling everything.
I am not Christian. :D
I developed creatures of my own. :D. I see my imaginary creatures everywhere. In dreams,on walls and clouds. :D. In this poem this imaginary creature something whose face i don't know but yeah his hands are dirty and ugly just like an old man's hand with big nails and he is pushing me down in to that mud. :D

Thanks dost. :)
next time i will write one simple poem in Hindi for you only :D
tc:)

[Samuel Jack]

I see, i too believe that we are all just energy floating around bumping into each other and causing reactions.

Ahhh thanks, do a little Hindi haiku. Even though there are many traditional Indian forms you could look into, go wild kumaari dost! ;)

[writer in trial]

Sure dost :)
Punk fans are always wild. :D :D. That's why i hate rules and limit and love to run away and explore as much i can :D

[Avinash]

Redemption is for everyone if you are ready to discard your old shell to become new.

[writer in trial]

That's what i am trying to.
Thanks :)

[Kyle J. Lawson]

At first I was going to say make is less personal but I noticed it was personal after reading some of the comments.I will say though on the part "An evil force has blown up everything." I feel that you may want to replace "blown" with a different word with a similar meaning. But remember it's your writing not mine. :)

[writer in trial]

You are right. I was thinking of a proper word, but wasn't able to fit it. :/
I imagine a lots of things, but i have to really work with vocabulary in which i am not that strong. :D
Nowadays what i love is to convert my current status in to writings. My hands start writing something without knowing how it came out . :D
Thanks for the comment :)

[Kyle J. Lawson]

Just don't stop! :)

[Sami Khalil]

A splendid read and write...Talented indeed...:)

[writer in trial]

Thanks friend. :)
I just wrote it instantly because i wasn't feeling stable. :/
Glad that you liked it. :)

[Sami Khalil]

I did. You are welcome...:)