Stucco

I wished you to change,
more it would seem
han how oft I wished for you.
The dignity of my requests
revolted the angels,
made my Mother cry for her daughter.

None the less I am aware,
I am saying this as you are lying right next to me.
Damn you my love,
chaining me to eternal questions.

"What I could have done?"

"Would this piss off the 12 year old me"

What would she think,
seeing what you left me to become
while you ran around the city.
A big man.
Her childlike love poems
never mentioned sleepless nights
or a man who wishes he were anywhere else.
She would throw pity on the floor
Make me pick it up like the trash
You believe me to be.

And yet

You can't hear my revelations
feel the symbolic slap across your face.
Even as you lie in bed sleeping next to me
you are gone.

I can't sleep
staring up at the shadow filled stucco ceiling
fantasizing about the look on your face.
If you woke after your peaceful nights sleep
left with nothing but a note that says in simple print,
"My Love, I am gone."