Let Me Count the Ways

This was inspired by "Men Are All the Same" by The Used (Artwork album). There was something dirty and gritty about that song and I wanted to try to let that influence my writing. This is very different from other things I write and is currently a work

Verse 1

My fingers trace the ink engraved

All throughout your skin

The pull of your eyes; I can’t behave

Taste your lips and breathe you in

 

Chorus:

The sick grin you smile when I’m causing you pain

The way it sounds when you scream my name

Let me count the ways

 

Verse 2

Something about the sound of your voice

Cause my nails to make you bleed

Your absence tears an aching void

 

Chorus:

The sick grin you smile when I’m causing you pain

The way it sounds when you scream my name

Let me count the ways

 

Author's Note

***work in progress...trying something new.

Reviews

[Carrie.]

Well, I'm the "s" in D/s. So, I don't know how any of that goes, LOL.

I also don't know much about songs, but I can offer my insights as a poet. The chorus is fantastic, I like the way you play with the cliché and make it edgy.

I think the second verse should mirror the first in form. You have 4 lines in the first and 3 in the second and it's off.

Otherwise, good job.