The Somnabulist Sweetheart

Just a day to day experience of mine.

My somnambulist sweetheart eases past,

We’re winning this race and we’re both last.

 

I’m her puzzle, she’s my safe,

We’re making a wrong turn but a million more I could take,

 

Strolling, Floating, Gliding,

We’re moving is what matters,

I’m indifferent about your danger,

Although my masculinity lies in tatters.

 

You are timeless,

You are kindness,

You are my test,

You are lust,

You aren’t really there at all.

Author's Note

I needed this.

Reviews

[RDOriginal]

This short poem sums up the familiar teen process of boy meets girl, girl ignores boy and boy is broken hearted so well!

The idea of presenting the focus of the narrators affections as a somnambulist captures two important aspects of this poem. Firstly that the boy cannot ever be with the girl as she's asleep and secondly it gives her the aura of a distance. If he can neither speak to her or discover what her personality is like she can be anything he wants. As such he can dream and fantasise about her with wanton abandon.

The most effective part of the poem is the repetition used to describe all of the things this girl is to him. She's timeless, kindness his test and lust - so many things but all unobtainable which makes the final line so plaintive, 'You aren't really there at all'.

I enjoyed this poem. It reminded me of my youth and the pursuit of dreams I couldn't even begin to get close to (although I certainly agonised about them enough!)

[loowzerX]

this is very good. I love this part most: "I’m her puzzle, she’s my safe,"

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

I liked this too. I thought it was good. And very powerful. Thanks for sharing. :)

[Aven]

"We're winning this race and we're both last."

Just beautiful.

[Nancy S.]

Living and loving our ideals is often a pleasant yet lonely surreality. Great job of building up the ideal and then drop kicking it in the end for reality. well done.

[RTB]

wow buddy how perfect i liked its attitude good poetry :)

[Jason Galliger]

I can totally relate to this piece, you capture the feeling of unrequited desires perfectly. I always say poetry or writing in general is the best catharsis and it shows here, well done.

[-K]

Lol I personally can't say I have ever experienced this type of thing =D (jk) But great write. I like this piece. Good work.

[KatiePie]

Gorgeous write

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

the poetic presentation is engagingly eclectic as it shifts from a soft brush across mind to a sharp edge of disappointment and hurt~
from a personal female perspective it is extremely absorbing to be given the opportunity to glimpse the male mind and how it intakes certain situations~ this is how the genders learn abotu each other~ through written creations of genuine expression~ thank you for that~