River

Its getting harder and harder to breathe....

River

I lost myself in the river again

Who will find me this time?

This time it looks rough

And I don’t see myself making it through

The rocks hit me hard against my body

The water takes my breathe away

Then I come up and grasp for air

But I get sucked under again

What do I do now?

Fight my way to shore

Or let the river take me away..?

Reviews

[Sharon Miller Bolander]

When we're drowning in a situation, we must find a way out. This could very well be a nightmare although I know that was not your intention. Sharon

[Larissa G.]

"breathe" shouldn't have the e, I think.

I love poems that take our natural surroundings and use them to describe our own lives within them. I think maybe somehow that connection could be strengthened, bringing it back to you a bit more. I think it could be more vivid, too. Mention how everything feels, compare the pain to other things instead of just outright saying it hurts. You see what I'm saying?

It's a good start.
Keep it up. :)

[Patient Poet (Yos)]

Fight , brave women , fight your feeling , take my hand let me take you out of that river Y

[W.Piggy]

Hiya, great poem. ^_^
My favorite line is:
''The water takes my breathe away''
It's so different but very good!! Your description to how you are feeling is great. :)
Keep it up.