slung

slung between the worlds of my elders

and the dreams of my youngers

with nothing but an inexplicable thirst

for love as an anchor

i drift....

                    ...an interstellar sailor

as god tirelessly tailors my soul into sails.

Reviews

[Anne Martin]

I like that a lot. I'm curious about your use of 'interstellar.' Your content seems a little more metaphysical and dreams rather than science fiction. I like the phrase, but I just wonder if there is a better word that refers to dream worlds (inner space) rather than outer space.

[JP thinks the WC is apt..]

It reads like a celestial journey, beyond life and death. It reminded me of Mr Bowman's journey at the climax of 2001...but not as dark. If your soul is 'tailored into sails', what then is the vessel?

A compelling piece.

[Bluet_Belle]

I love the last line :

"as god tirelessly tailors my soul into sails"

Beautiful!

[Trisha Clark]

In 7 lines you just described being 25.

I loved these lines, especially:

"with nothing but an inexplicable thirst
for love as an anchor"

[Sel Whiteley]

Incredible - simply, outstandingly incredible. I loved this. The flow was stunning and there was a true magic in the opening:

slung between the worlds of my elders
and the dreams of my youngers

and the ending:

........i drift
an interstellar sailor
as god tirelessly tailors my soul into sails

I adore how you use the pause to indicate the drifting and the sonics in the alliteration of T and sibilance of 'interstellar sailor' and 'tirelessy tailors my soul into sails'. The middle lines were fantastic too. There was musicality to this poem throughout.

[April Child]

Slung between the worlds of my elders
and the dreams of my youngers

the curse of middle age in 2 great lines

and the inexplicable thirst

couldnt agree more, not sure my thirst is for love though, think it maybe for passion but I am thirsty!

This is beautiful, the image of drifting really works. I love these little poems that say so much.

[Spoken]

Great flow

slung between the worlds of my elders
and the dreams of my youngers

Great duality

for love as an anchor
........i drift
an interstellar sailor
as god tirelessly tailors my soul into sails

great metaphor and use of langauge. I particularly like the last line. so, I guess what I'm trying to say is... great! :)

[Tigran Avoundjian]

Man, that image of a ship sort of creeps up on you and then materializes out of nowhere. I love the fluidity of the piece.
It feels a little incomplete, but it's a nice little creative spark.
Stream of consciousness...always good, although I'd like to see you do more with the idea of interstellar sailing and god as the shipmaker in your future works.

[Vanessa Whiteley]

What a precious little jewel of a poem. I wouldn't change a word.

slung between the worlds of my elders

and the dreams of my youngers

Beautiful!

[Tania Leigh]

" as god tirelessly tailors my soul into sails "

I love that line! And I like how you offset the "i drift", to add to the imagery...awesome.