No Soup For You!

THIS POEM WAS INSPIRED BY A SEINFELD EPISODE.

People loved my soup but they hated me.

Everybody referred to me as the Soup Nazi.

I was strict with people and they feared me because I'm scary.

I scream my head off, that's why I've never been able to marry.

Everybody knew something that was certainly true.

When people pissed me off, I yelled "No soup for you!"

I refused to sell soup to a woman for kissing her boyfriend while standing in line.

My rules were going to be obeyed, I don't care that enforcing them was unkind.

I refused to sell soup to a bald man because he wanted free bread.
When a woman found my recipes in my armoire, I wanted to be dead.

Just because I treated her like dirt, she published them and put me out of business.

I had to close my restaurant and return to Argentina, my life truly is a mess.

I demanded discipline, breaking my rules was what I didn't allow.

I will one day return to America and slaughter Elaine like a cow!

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

A bit crazy, but funny. Not so far from the truth, though, because many cooks (myself included) are pretty volatile about the food they serve. (What do you mean, "Too much onion?" Why, I oughta....)