I'm Eric Cartman

THIS POEM IS BASED ON THE SOUTH PARK CARTOON.

I'm Eric Cartman and I'm an evil little b***h.

My mom is poor she certainly isn't rich.

She posed nude in a magazine because she's a Crack W***e.

She couldn't afford to buy me an IPad and that made me sore.

After I lied on DR. Phil, Apple was about to give me a Human CentiPad.

But they got an order to disassemble it and that really made me mad.

I started cursing God and he struck me with lightning.

I won't ever mess with him again, he's too frightening.

Many people hate my guts because I'm a racist punk.

When I offended a girl classmate, my ship was sunk.

She beat me up because she's a tough little Lass.

I tried to fight back but she kicked my sorry a*s.

I certainly don't have a heart of gold, I'm a terrible lad.

People wonder how a nine year old boy can be so bad.

If you do something bad, I'll rat you out because I'm also a snitch.

I will not change my ways, I'll continue to be an evil little b***h.

Reviews

[Gregory Joseph DeMartin..]

As I am an avid fan of South Park and dark writing, I think your work is fathoms into literary and poetic study and you are uniquely creative, sir.