Maya Grace

Beloved phenomenon…

     …elucidating manifestation who resuscitated me…

…love and devotion is key to your upbringing

 

 Critics attempt to derail our compassion…

…our affection and civil rights…

…but iniquity must not dictate our lives…

…must never disrupt our serenity…

…must never pollute our grace and beauty…

…must never intrude on innocence

Reviews

[Infinite hexes]

Ah the relaionship between a mother and a child- can never be broken no mater how much people try to break them.

[Cascara (aka Sprint Goe..]

this is deep work- love can make this world change so much for the better

[KAREN]

Breathtaking piece of work. Your words are woven with such emotion and beauty!

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

Raven, this is just wonderful writing at its best!

[Becky C Strukamp]

Raven this is touching and beautiful! I love it.

[Dennis A. Clark]

Good one, Raven.

I have reader-response/constructive-criticism ideas, but I'm not sure if you'd care for that sort of feedback.

[Sahara Mist]

This is Raven Starhawk from a second account. I am too lazy to log into the account which this poem is written for, but I assure you I am always open for constructive criticism. After all as a writer it is constructive criticism that helps one grow.

[Sahara Mist]

And I almost forgot to mention I know I abuse wordplay. ^^* I need to lighten up on the long words and things like that. XD

[Dennis A. Clark]

Long words: you hit on it.

One comment would be about using concrete words/images rather than concept words (those multi-syllabic, Latinate words).

[Sahara Mist]

Excellent point, kind sir. ^^* I definitely have to take this into consideration because I don't want to alienate readers or make them like "WTH". ^^ Thank you very much!

[Dennis A. Clark]

No problem.

Now here's a question: Will you be writing a revision? I'd love to see that.

[Sahara Mist]

More than likely, but I don't know when. ^^*

[Larry Dyson]

but iniquity must not dictate our lives..
must never intrude on innocence