Old letter

Today I received mail for the first time

It was out of state, somewhere far away

It was from my fathers' mother

I barely even knew of her

I heard of her before but only briefly

She sent me a hundred dollar check

And a letter saying she loved me

She couldn’t wait until she finally got to meet the grandchild her son walked out on

I didn’t even know she was trying to contact me

She really loved me, more than he did anyway

I get maybe twenty dollars for my child support check

Doesn’t really make a difference to me

I didn’t need his money

I had done well for so long without it

I didn’t want his money; even though my mom told me it could be worth my while

So I spent it in a month’s time

Eliza Sands doesn’t even know me; how could she really love me

So with the money I went shopping at the mall

Collecting items was my favorite thing to do

Collected different things was necessary for me

Jewelry, stuffed animals, and books too

Ever since I received that mail I started collecting stuff

Started collecting all kinds of things you name it

Hurt me deep when she lied to me

Felt like she poured fire on my already open wounds

I would rather have him than have his money

I can’t even build up the strength to spend it

Hurt and anger and frustration came with the territories of him leaving

Well now I'm glad he left

He made me who I am violence included

I am violent toward others, because I trust no one

The world is against me

The people in it just make it better known for my fate

I hid my pain and anger for so long now it just comes out in raw emotion

I don’t know how to handle it

Difficult and hurtful

That’s what triggers my negative thoughts

Next time he calls I won’t even throw a glance at the phone

Hope he catches my drift real soon

Even though he left and it left anger that’s been UN dealt with

That doesn’t mean I want him around now

He zipped his pants, tied his shoes, and threw on a button down polo

Walked out the door and never returned

The hate has returned even though I don’t think it ever really left

But it’s ok because if I don’t get better for you

I will do it for me eventually

 

Author's Note

This is a poem i wrote about a letter i received from my fathers mother. I didnt really know her as the poem suggests but she wants to know me. Hope you like it, and feel free to comment.