Unseen

She enter the dating scene with her naive mindset. Sje would go through it witj the same patterns repeated overs the years.

unseen

as far as she could remember, none had ever shown her she was worthy. she felt more like the blame for her actions were not the same blame that would be apportioned to others. it didn't occur to her until she reached a certain age. In her mind she set goals for what she must be or achieve to be seen or heard. 

 At school she was tagged the innocent, not as a positive remark but that innocence that spells mor of ignorance. Long before she even had a boyfriend she was having a breaktime with some of her classmates, not that they were friends and they initiate a play.

 It was simple: every girl there would disclose her boyfriend's name. She didn't have one so she quickly figured out she had to give a name so she wouldn't be mocked. Every girl there proudly called a boy's name , with no reaction so far from others, but as soon as she pronounced a name of hers, all of them except her burst into frenzy laughter. She felt embarrassed. What she wanted to avoid had still happened. It was better she said nothing or she told them the plain truth. Her dream was to belong. and there again she had failed .

 She now actually in her bruised mind decided to have a real boyfriend and her life changed  forever. He was her first. He was always surrounded by women. He didn't actually bothered to explained , but she decided what they had was so unique that she could see him sharing that with another. Looking back today let's call her Serah: Serah had experienced these flow of emotions with a man she knew nothing about. Yes she could see him everyday at his workplace. But who was he? Looking back today they both never had a conversation about anything. Except that she once went there for his services. he sensed how naive she was, sent her to his room at the back and met her there for business. That was it. 

She would regularly see women around him, in his room and he wont bother to explain anything. She would think he cannot enjoy anyone else proximity as hers. i see men today woeing women, promising them good and peaceful life, a future together and what not. But in Serah's case none of that was discussed. So when she started experiencing his boldness with other women around her, she was pained and she didn't understand why he didn't see iy as betrayal. 

he was offered gifts she has never dreams of having in terms of shoes clothes. He could send her to the hair saloon and he would pay later, these little gestures made her feel so unique. He would give her little money she would proudly eat snacks at school with and feel on top of the world. He was given just the bare minimum he thought she deserves. Looking back today, Its a pity she was carried away emotionally tortured for next to nothing. She was convinced having a boyfriend was the next level of validation. I am not sure he knew, I know he just decided to enjoy himself while it lasted.

 Oneof the cheating situation was a girl obviously younger than Serah who was actually 18. This girl was pimped by her mum she could be around 17. Her mum would travel with her at the time from a suburb to the city and lodged for 2 to 3 days in his room. He would cook and the pot of soup would have so much meat. I had never seen such amount of animal protein in the same pot at once.That was his usual pattern, not only when Majolie came. Serah would quiz him about her and he would say" Serah loved Majolie many years ago with her long dark hair." then i will seat look at him and wonder what it was. so Serah would decide it was platonic, This shows she avoided the truth. It was easier for her to paint what was glaring into something else in her mind. She would go his place each time she saw him with a girl and spent the night. Not that she often spend the night there but she would go specifically and stay just prevent the man to have an intercourse with his female friend. As far as it can be remembered it happened the first time Majolie. Her mum and 2 of her sibblings had come as usual. Serah decide dto spend the night. The boyfriend prevented her to access the bedroom where Majolie slept with her family, actually it was just a little room and the rest of the place was a sort of office for him. Serah spent the night on a flat mat on the office floor with him and when in the morning she wanted to enter the bedroom to ease herself , it was actually away to claim her position in the eyes of the visitors. He brutally prevented her and angry ash Serah what she thought Majolie's mother would think. Her heart dropped and eve as that he didn't try to explain.

Another such occurences was when some girls who leave in the same building complex spend the night with him in bed while Serah sat on the chair in the same miserable, (if you think of it today) room. From the time to time he would drag the girl closer to him and squeeze her. In the morning she returned to her parents house bruised again, no explanation, no justification. Another time was when a girl just came and Serah met her there. same scenario and in the morning he told Serah bluntly he could have gone down to business with the girl if he wanted too. Actually none of these made Serah breakup. the separation was made naturally when Serah left for Uni.