Mystical Eclipsable

An uncontrollable reflective subtlety...

 

Mystical matter unknown to thine eyes,

Eclipsable tatters winded harsh cries

Forgotten, the former, a remanant the latter

United in time, waiting the moment of scatter.

 

Mystical makeshift bounds unbounding

Eclipsable spheres rounds' surrounding

Released, the wisdom, knowledge of the wise

Concealed treasures lost beneath the skies.

 

Mystical memories discovered through the heart

Eclipsable senses light the dreams of ancient art

Secrets, hushed, guarded by truth's presence

Serving mankind's sin with atonement and penance.

 

Mystical mist of the harbringers of bliss

Eclipsable shifts of wars over hells pits

Surviving, the will, brought to being and rising.

Arriving, the call, sounded horn eternal biding.

Reviews

[nothing]

You have the way with words that some of the writers here should be jealous of. I know I am. You did a great job. I loved it. You write very well, and I lovethe way you put your words together and make them do an intimate little dance.

Truly Yours,
Sarah G. Whiteman

[Priscilla Sayers]

A brilliant write that can be perceived in many ways. I feel the torment that comes with reading inbetween the lines frustration, lonliness and strength. I love this piece. may have to read it a couple more times to really understand the several different meanings it holds. Nice work!

[Priscilla Sayers]

I love the way this one is so elegant in its entirety. A beautiful expression, truely mystical.

[Kate Hunter]

You have very much talent in writing things so that the reader can see it. I like your diction in the wording and I noticed the rhyming. It takes talent to write in rhyme and get your point across at the same time.

[Sugar Plum ♥]

I love it! it`s so wise and professional :) my favorite is:
Mystical memories discovered through the heart
Eclipsable senses light the dreams of ancient art
Secrets, hushed, guarded by truth's presence
Serving mankind's sin with atonement and penance.
you play so good with words, as if they are clay in your hands...

[china]

This is an excellent write. Thank you for taking me on a beautiful journey.

[David W Moore III]

Old and new perform a pirouette here. Dancing timidly at first but then finishing with force. Beautifully written.

[Marlena]

I have to agree with the others and say this is pretty, and parts of it are certainly well written, but I think you could do better on some parts.

"Mystical memories discovered through the heart
Eclipsable senses light the path from to the art" the first line is fine, but the second line needs work. I'm not sure if it's a typo, but "From to the art" rolls strange. It doesn't quite fit with the rest of your poem.

The last stanza's first two lines are a little funky, too. Just look it over once or twice and I'm sure you can make it a bit better.

[JelliFyshKissUs]

Your words and phrases twist and turn around themselves in such a pleasurable way. Mystical and eclipsable in each stanza--nearly a contradiction to each other. One seems to invite dreams while the other finds a way to eclipse it. I loved it.

[India Brooks]

"Mystical matter unknown to thine eyes,
Eclipsable tatters winded harsh cries
Forgotten, the former, a remanant the latter
United in time, waiting the moment of scatter."

I am speechless at the beauty of this poem.
Incredible.

[No regret]

Beautiful words,,, n i loved the rhythm . great poem !!