The Bedroom from eight years ago

"remembering a childhood memory"

  Just as I was about to sleep I sat down and look around disturbed by the sudden visit of a vague memory that my brain is trying to perceive. I sighed laying myself down. I tried to remember closing my eyes and unconsciously drifted to a soundless sleep.

When I opened my eyes, I saw a room inside a dark apartment, the first thing that caught my eye was the white curtain which seems to cover something. I moved the smooth piece of woven cloth revealing what’s inside. I saw two young kids, both girls, I crouched on my hands and feet crawling to them, their bedroom are too cramped-up just like a small rectangular box painted blue on its insides. The beddings are neither hard nor soft but it isn’t comfortable for kids like them. I stooped at the nearest girl, I squinted my eyes to look at her properly, trying to defeat the darkness.

     I managed to recognize her, this is me eight years ago when I six years old. The younger me who can’t stand darkness because she is afraid to see ghosts that only appear in her imagination. She also hated the curtain that stands as a cover to her bedroom, it wasn’t like the other bedrooms that own doors.  I sighed, this is a dream. Maybe the memory that tried to present itself in my mind earlier, they say that your dream will always be what your conscious mind is thinking of. I was in those thoughts when a light from a light bulb suddenly opened. I closed my eyes and opened it slowly for it to accept the sudden attack of brightness. I look around the small living room of the apartment, the six-year-old-me had her eyes on a fairytale book with the television opened. I looked at the television, the program she is watching is about the ‘Sleeping Beauty’ same title as the book she is holding. I felt the sides of my lips twitch, that’s right I’m a fairytale addict when I was a kid and I know that she’s doing something illogical. Why read a book and watch a show with the same title? She smiled, her eyes shone as she closed her book, she turned the television off and standing up she went to the comfort room.

   “Princess, are you sleeping already?” her mother asked as soon as she got out.    

  “Yes, Mommy...” she politely answered.

  “Good night, sweet dreams and don’t forget to pray, okay?” the younger self of my Mother said with a broad smile.

  “Sure, Mommy,” the little me said. My mom’s younger self stooped and kiss my younger self’s forehead.

   “Good night...” my younger self entered her room where her younger sister is, she laid herself down, stared at her younger sister for awhile and she soon fell asleep. I smiled, she sleeps early compared to me while I’m used to staying up late.

     I sat down staring at the white curtain until it suddenly brightened, emphasizing its true color which had been dimmed by the darkness of the night. The curtain was moved and the younger self of my Father appeared.

    “Good morning, young ladies, wake up now!” he said in the voice not so low and not so high, he shake the little girls by their feet, my younger self sat down with her eyes not fully opened, “Still want to sleep,” she mumbled laying down again.

      “Come on both of you, the noodles is ready,” he announced with a smile. My younger self awakens upon hearing the word noodles, so with my younger sister, the two of them quickly went to their Father’s arms. He carried them up, “Now, my little ladies, wash your face first... and gurgle with warm water before breakfast, okay?” he reminded putting them down. The two girls obediently followed and even raced to the comfort room.

     I smiled despite of myself, I miss my childhood days where I can be open to my parents. That time when I don’t hide secrets away from them. That time when I still say ‘Good night’ to my mother and she says the same to me. That time, when my Father is not that busy that he can still wake us up. That memory gave me a struck of realization. A lot had changed since I had grown up, my Father who is always leaving to go to another part of the Philippines for work, the not-so-close relationship with my Mother and the loss of family bonding. Changes do come in a family and I always dreamed of bringing our old relationship back.

Author's Note

please review this is an assignment.. cite out any grammar corrections and points of revising... I need to revise it on Wednesday

Reviews

[Patricia B. Hepler]

I usually read w/out concern about any typos or grammatical errors, for pure enjoyment; however, I will do the best I can to suggest possible changes-it will be your choice to change if you want to do so~
1. Indent 2nd paragraph ('When I opened my eyes').
2. At the end of 2nd paragraph, 'I stooped at the nearest girl, I squinted my eyes to look at her properly, trying to defeat the darkness.' would be an excellent time to introduce the second child as your sister.
3. First line, last verse: ' I smiled despite of myself, I miss my childhood days...'
You might want end the first part w/ a period, I smiled despite myself." and begin a new sentence w/ "I miss my childhood days...".

There might exist something else not mentioned by me and that's ok. This is your wonderful work and I really hate to influence one's work.. I wish you well on your story. ~ pat

[Rhianne Ney]

thank you.. I really need it this Thursday

[∠( ᐛ 」..]

I enjoyed this story!
100/100

[Crimson Bayonet]

Great story. I loved it! :D

[Rhianne Ney]

thanks for the review..

[Ruby]

It's really good I like it

[Rhianne Ney]

thanks for liking it, angel

[Ruby]

your welcome ;)

[Anonymous Girl]

Its really wonderful. I sometime dream about my childhood. The last line you wrote is true; family life changes when you grow up. ^.^

[Rhianne Ney]

thanks for reviewing

[Anonymous Girl]

Don't mention it ^.^

[Eile MacIntyre]

It's good. The last paragraph has a good meaning.
Maybe just a few touch ups with comma and period placements. Read it under your breath and it helps you to make sure that the words sound good where they are.
:) Eile

[Rhianne Ney]

thanks I'll make a note on it...