The River, the Clouds, and Us.... (longing)

Free Verse

Author's Note

Picture: compliments of Wikimedia Commons.

Something set me into a wispy, dreamlike, drifting-off mood.

Please, feel free to offer critique, or anything you feel will help improve this piece! : )

Reviews

[Lyn Anderson]

I love the cloudy images -- that stanza in particular is striking. The feeling of falling in love with a moody person, and the speaker is the calm anchor ...

one minor thing, I am sure it is just a typo or pesky auto-correct, but its journey does not require an apostrophe, unless there is something in that sentence I am missing.

[Richard🖌]

That you've again blessed one of my pieces, KL … how very happy this makes me feel!
Then, that you love anything about this piece and find it striking, is reward beyond any I could have expected.
I like the wording of your interpretation, too … "speaker", "calm anchor".

About the recent "rogue apostrophe" typos: It is like when one uses loose for lose, their for they're, sell for sale … you know we know better, but get into too big a hurry, concentrating on what we're into, to catch all the wee details, even when we go back through trying to, but not to worry, someone with a keen eye who cares will come along and lend a helping hand, like you always do thank you sincerely, KL! : )

You've left a nice, helpful, and gracious review … warmly appreciated! ⁓ Richard

[Ayesha Faiz]

This poem is really beautiful and emotional. I could clearly picture the calm river, the rising storm, and the quiet sadness at the end. The way you compared the river to yourself and the clouds to someone you care about was very powerful. It shows how love can be strong, gentle, and painful all at once. The images of nature and feelings were so real, like I was there. You wrote it in a way that makes the reader feel everything deeply. Such a touching, meaningful and relaxing piece. I loved it! Truly!
Excellent work!

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Ayesha 🥀

It's so very nice to receive inspiring comments praising my skills and letting me know how appreciated and enjoyed they are; especially, from an intelligently insightful, lovely-hearted Poetess.
Your interpretation and understandings are wonderfully spot-on, too … and, that you love anything about my humble efforts makes your words dance joyfully within my mind.

Your review, a poem in itself … thank you, Ayesha! ⁓Richard🖌

[DIVYA]

Dear Richard,

There could be no better expression of vulnerability than here. Its so hard to be vulnerable these days. What with such egoes and battles of wits in relationships. The poet is reminiscing fondly in solitude when their attention is drawn to the grey, blustery clouds that somehow always manage to overcome gentler ones. They're aptly likened to a petulant, angry love that dampens everything. But the poet is like a river, taking it all with much positivity and love. And this is where you bring out the true essence of love so gently!

The feeling of drifting off works beautifully here when the attention of the poet shifts from the river to the clouds and then back to the river again. There's no critique I could offer for this poem. To me, its just beautiful.

Also loved the artwork and the presentation.

[Richard🖌]

Ya know, Divya? 🤔

I find it amazingly ironic how, in over 70 reviews, you're the only one who's essentially grasped the core essence of this composition's metaphorical significance … even each aspect, as it sways, turns, and converges. you've strikingly and accurately interpreted.

How is it, I can't help wondering, you and I are on the same wavelength, when no one else is(?) … life is often a wondrous mystery.

What a gorgeously rendered, inspiring review, Divya … you truly make a grateful bard's heart dance!⁓ Richard 🌧️

[Titilayo Sarah Eguridu]

I could barely separate the transition between the river and the cloud to
the couple.
In my head the couple, the river and cloud had become one.
I sniff a lovers’ tiff as peace, solitude and reflection halted abruptly.
She rained on your parade!
The impulsive temperamental cloud and the strong ,silent, resilient and faithful river.
What a brilliant way to mesh nature and human temperaments.
This is a priceless piece, It felt like a play within a play.

Thank you for sharing Richard.
I quite enjoyed reading it.

[Richard🖌]

How lovely, Titilayo 🌼

That you've accepted my rare invitation to share this rather yearning piece, finding favor in an imaginary tale, metaphorically blending Nature, texture, color, and sweeping human emotions. All to be discovered amongst its weighty verbal throes of requited/unrequited love.

It takes a special kind of being, with aptly deep capabilities of feeling, to grasp and elucidate upon the finer details of this rather poignant composition, as You have. Yet, I felt sure you would.

Do you, I wonder, perceive the wee bits of parallel between this piece and your amazingly stellar poem, "Rain" that inspired my invitation?

You are most welcome, Titilayo, and I thank you so very sincerely for sharing this piece of deeply poetic longing with me, and most surely for your expressions of praise, enjoyment, and appreciation … you're a lovely gem!

Floating in grateful delight! ⁓ Richard 🍂

[Titilayo Sarah Eguridu]

It’s like an orchestra opening to “ Rain”
It’s uncanny!

[Richard🖌]

You're sooo delightful!

[Snow_]

A perfect metaphor between the clouds and a girl and boy...This made me think...I need to work on my metaphors...Thanks a lot....The choice of words...Gives something so calming....As if the girl was calm when saying it...Giving complexities to the story...I love poetry that makes me read it over and over....I love this a lot I am very thankful

[Richard🖌]

Greetings, Snow!

How wonderful it is to know you've found favor in this rather emotional piece between Nature, torrent human involvement, with alternating, vibrantly imbued hope, and failure.

Thank you sincerely for loving anything about my humble poetry … it's so very inspiring to an olde bard that you do.

Gratefully yours! ⁓ Richard🖌

[Snow_]

Deeply welcome, Richard.

[William Michael Reeves]

I like the cycle of evaporating emotion and thought. Brought to mind the water cycle and how every drop of water has always been here. Like energy, cannot be created or destroyed. And like love, so powerful and fragile. Fluid thoughts Richard that quenched my thirst.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, William, ever-so gratefully 🤜✫🤛

I think the technique of blending Nature with emotion, feeling, and thought, combined with the metaphorical imagery of colors, hues, and textures, unlocks an endless trove of poetical treasures.
Your insightful commentary assures an olde bard his humble efforts haven't been for naught.

Happy early Autumn!⁓ Richard 🍂

[W. Barrett Munn]

Richard, what do you think of stripping out lines 11 and 12 and starting that stanza at “I “?
Winston

[Richard🖌]

I think it makes zero sense, Winston.

For what purpose would you want to strip out those two introductory lines that change the mood in V3 and turns the poem from the imagery of human imagination consorting with Nature in V1 and V2 to human emotion in V3 and beyond?
What I do think would improve this piece is to take out a number of the moot ellipsis.

I'm not quite certain your comments are meant to be constructive, Sir.

[W. Barrett Munn]

I believe the mood changes with the action, not with the telling of what the action will be. That’s one person’s opinion, meant to stimulate discussion. If you prefer I don’t comment I have no problem with that and will honor your request. Best to you and yours.
Winston

[Richard🖌]

I think you have some very odd ideas about poetry, as a'judged by what you've said to me in reviews and messages, and by what others have shared with me from you.
Something about your poetic agenda seems off key in general.
For instance, this is a damned good Free Verse piece, but you offered nothing in the way of relating to it or even an explanation of why you'd want to strip two well struck, thought-provoking lines that, in essence, serve as a turn or volta.
Certainly, I could go in and strip away half of the poem and it would still function … then, where would the poetic voice and emotional timbre be, the nuance and moment?
If you feel the need to eliminate all but the bare bones, poetry will (in my mind's-eye) turn quite abrupt and curt … hey, but that's just me!
I'm not at all averse to constructive critique, but it can become quite onerous when one so often attempts to press their style and philosophy onto others.
If there's something really wrong with my efforts, please, help me sort it, but be sure you know what you're talking about AFTER reading and fully understanding what form others' poems are composed and what their motives are in writing it that way before doing so.
We're all different, and because we express something differently than you do does not make it wrong, weak, or less effective.
I've read your writing and could offer much in the way of constructive critique that would make your work far more masterful, but I strongly sense it would waste both our time, and this may well be how you feel about me an my poetry.

Somewhere and somehow there's a balance … I've just not found it, yet, with you and I.
If your aim sincerely was to stimulate discussion, you sure went about it in a rather "stick-in-your-eye" blunt way … still, you got me yakking … LOL!

[W. Barrett Munn]

Most likely it’s best to go our own ways with good wishes as far as public responses. However, I always value opposition judgment even if I can’t agree with it. I am not so arrogant to think I know, but I study incessantly and will pass along freely what I have discovered. I’ve learned that most people here are defensive and have not been hardened by submission/rejection in the literary world and that is fine. I now offer advice through mail messages and only those whom I perceive willing do I offer public (comment) critiques. I apologize for reading you incorrectly and I urge you to critique me privately if you wish and I shall do the same if I see something I would like clarified

[Richard🖌]

I think your first sentence is best.
You've really nothing to offer I can appreciate, nor can use or am interested in.
Poetically and philosophically, we seem to be in dysfunctionally contrasting worlds.

C'est la vie!