The River, the Clouds, and Us.... (longing)

Free Verse

Author's Note

Picture: compliments of Wikimedia Commons.

Something set me into a wispy, dreamlike, drifting-off mood.

Please, feel free to offer critique, or anything you feel will help improve this piece! : )

Reviews

[Lyn Anderson]

I love the cloudy images -- that stanza in particular is striking. The feeling of falling in love with a moody person, and the speaker is the calm anchor ...

one minor thing, I am sure it is just a typo or pesky auto-correct, but its journey does not require an apostrophe, unless there is something in that sentence I am missing.

[Richard🖌]

That you've again blessed one of my pieces, KL … how very happy this makes me feel!
Then, that you love anything about this piece and find it striking, is reward beyond any I could have expected.
I like the wording of your interpretation, too … "speaker", "calm anchor".

About the recent "rogue apostrophe" typos: It is like when one uses loose for lose, their for they're, sell for sale … you know we know better, but get into too big a hurry, concentrating on what we're into, to catch all the wee details, even when we go back through trying to, but not to worry, someone with a keen eye who cares will come along and lend a helping hand, like you always do thank you sincerely, KL! : )

You've left a nice, helpful, and gracious review … warmly appreciated! ⁓ Richard

[V]

I think "drifting-off mood" fits very well. I don't know why you chose this format, it was interesting to read yet also a tiny bit difficult to stay with the flow I found once but here & there lost a little.. Other than that, the images of nature and your choice of words for this one as good as in the other pieces I read by you. You'd definitely alternate between the different poetry styles, it's refreshing to read and you're talented at expressing yourself differently yet nicely.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Vanessa!
To receive such accolades and understanding, from such an accomplished artist as yourself, is high and inspiring praise, indeed … how very happy you've made me feel! : )
I agree with you on the vagueness in clarity of this one … in every one of my poems I think something lacks, and all I can do is apologize for my failed efforts, and promise (of course) to try and do better.
Is there anything in particular you feel would help me make this a better piece, M'Dear(?), as I tend lose sight of the quality in my own work.
On variety of poetry … it is my contention that a master poet should be able to compose equally well in any form, as there is a proper form befitting every mood, moment, feeling, emotion, etc; just as there is a perfect note, melody, tempo, rhythm, etc; to express in music.

Here I go again, talking your eyes off; it seems you inspire me … thank you ever-so warmly, Vanessa! ⁓ Richard

[V]

I don't think you lack talent or ability in expressing yourself, it was rather the lay out that made my reading flow stumble a little...
But I know what you mean regarding finding the perfect note..I'm a perfectionist, especially with writing...but not too bad.. but one as the author always lacks the neutrality to view your piece in a more objective way. And one tends to criticize themselves overly.. It's a good piece, I'm sorry I cannot give you suggestions on how to improve it..

[Richard🖌]

You sure have a fine mind and attitude, Vanessa, and it is very encouraging to know you feel this piece can be improved, Dear Poetess … thank you warmly and sincerely.
I'll play around with it a bit, and might ask for your keen input again.

[V]

Ok. I wish you success with that.

[Richard🖌]

Thanks, Vanessa … I messed around with it a bit.
If you'd like and have a chance, I'd enjoy any comments you might wanna share, but no obligation, eh?

[V]

I can see that... It's interesting now lol but honestly way too challenging to read. Ever thought about a boring and philistine structure just to give your words more space to strike?

[Richard🖌]

Ha-hah!
I guess I'm just too complicated in my written thoughts, feelings, and emotions to express the simple bard I know I really am — it just appears to be unsalvageable. :'/
You're a good sport to try and help me, Vanessa … your attention makes me feel so proud and special.

Thank you ever-so warmly and gratefully, Dear Poetess … hugs! ⁓ Richard : )

[V]

Thank you and you're welcome.

[wander girl]

Beautiful thought and execution.
this piece puts us in a thought....
Claps are inevitable for this

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Dear Poetess! : )
Iam ever-so grateful for your effulgently lovely review to this rather metaphorical piece rendered by from my olde, worn pen.

Hugs and many blessings of warmest gratitude to thee! ⁓ Richard

[wander girl]

You're such an inspiration for young poets like me. Keep writing and I am obliged by your words. Hugs!!!!:)

[ReedWrite]

This is lovely, Richard.
Beautiful. It flows with a gentle melancholy all its own...a wistful longing.
I love this stanza:
I watched the gray clouds building,
bullying the white ones into submission,
their thunderous voices rising....
until it was clear who the victor would be.

Just beautiful.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Dear Pam!
I am so happy you came across this unusually metaphorical little number, finding such favor on it lines and verses.
The part you've singled is amongst my favorites, too … I considerate it the axis of this work.

You're beautiful, too … warmest thank you hugs! ~ Richard : )

[Primula Goldworthy]

This was really nice. The note you wrote about a dreamlike, drifting-off mood is something I can relate to. Love the poem.

[Richard🖌]

Well, thank you, Ma'am!
It is my joy to please you and my reward to receive your inspiring words of appreciation, praise and enjoyably imaginative rapport.

Warming smiles 'n hugs to you! ⁓ Richard

[Jade]

this is pretty darn good, enjoyed this write

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Kelcee! : )
Thank you, Dear Lady-Poet, for visiting my pages and for finding favor in and enjoying this humble little Free Verse piece to longing.

Smiles 'n happy hugs for your day! ⁓ Richard

[Jade]

thanx, have you a good day

[Richard🖌]

You, too, Kelcee! : )

[Susan 🦋]

Well,probably not one I should have read today when already feeling down..cause once again your writing is speaking to me. So many things I can relate to...but rather not mention on a public forum. But that emotional pull..is exhausting and painful. perfectly expressed in this piece.

[Richard🖌]

Aw, don't give-up, Susan!
We both know life can often a way of evening out, if we can be patient enough to allow it to.
Actually, I think this is the perfect one for you, as it pushes the buttons that make you think and feel something deep within, eh?
There is always private messaging … one thing I like about this site.

Thank you ever-so warmly for such an honest review … hugs to you! ⁓ Richard

[Brianna Brie]

Nature is so poetic in its own right. The imagery is splendid in this poem. Combining the river and the clouds as a representation of relational interactions is unique. Your words inspire me.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you warmly, Brianna! : )

T'would seem we've again connected in deeply meaningful ways, as garnered by virtue of your keen familiarity with the more esoteric nuances of this rather abstract piece in metaphoric rise … few (if any) grasp me as you seem to.

"Tis you inspiring me! ⁓ Richard

[Valentine]

Nice way to do comparisons, when I look at the sky, its changing colors and beauty I see God's canvas laid out for all of us to see. Valentine

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Dear Kathie! : )
Thank you so very much for the nice compliment, and for sharing your lovely thoughts and depths of insight.

Warmest ugs 'n blessings to you! ⁓ Richard

[The Girl on Fire]

I can't explain anything in detail, coz I'm new to writing poems that are just...let's say, perfect. I can just say that it was stupendous.
I loved the way you beautifully expressed what many people are obsessed by, when that dreamlike, drifting-off mood strikes them.
Lovely poem. Hope you help me too in pointing out the errors in mine. You're a wonderful poet :)

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Dear Yashita,
Welcome to my pages … I an thrilled you meandering along to find this little effort to read and leave such wondrously beautiful, sweetly inspiring words of praise and enjoyment for a bard to smile with gracious gratitude.
Well, I've yet to read your writing, but if it's anything like your review, I'm more than a little certain I'll love it, and as for helping you, I'm always willing and happy to lend a hand when and where I can.

With happy smiles 'n warmest hugs! ⁓ Richard : )

[LastMonth]

Nice experience.

Going to digress for a moment,

Your Writing is often more then just writing.
Akin to food in a restaurant.

I'll compare the Pictures you add to the pleasant A.C cooling the place.
I'll compare the Fonts you pick to the kind, hospitable and easy on the eyes waitress,
And the little difference of the gray background, making the writing feel special, I'll compare it to a bright neon sign, filling you with hope as you pat your empty belly.

AHEM,

Good poem. I liked the image of the Clouds bullying another cloud. Very powerful, very thoughtful. Very original.

The rest of it is equally satisfying, the last bit is on the spot.
Great job.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Dear Poet, with a friendly welcome to my pages! : )

Most gratefully and appreciatively, I am humbled, gratified, and encouraged by the fullness of proficient and full expression, contained in your well-struck review, to this meandering piece of Nature/human experience.
I find your analogy of this piece to be creatively original, cute, and meaningful in such an enjoyably metaphorical way, that is truly "filling" to the senses' palate … LOL!
I dearly love compliments and positive attention to one of my earnest efforts … it so rewarding, and your expressed appreciation and sincere-feeling praise is like icing on the cake.

I bow in great humility for your gift of receiving pleasure from this little work in Free Verse form … bright blessings for your days, LM! ⁓ Richard