The River, the Clouds, and Us.... (longing)

Free Verse

Author's Note

Picture: compliments of Wikimedia Commons.

Something set me into a wispy, dreamlike, drifting-off mood.

Please, feel free to offer critique, or anything you feel will help improve this piece! : )

Reviews

[Lyn Anderson]

I love the cloudy images -- that stanza in particular is striking. The feeling of falling in love with a moody person, and the speaker is the calm anchor ...

one minor thing, I am sure it is just a typo or pesky auto-correct, but its journey does not require an apostrophe, unless there is something in that sentence I am missing.

[Richard🖌]

That you've again blessed one of my pieces, KL … how very happy this makes me feel!
Then, that you love anything about this piece and find it striking, is reward beyond any I could have expected.
I like the wording of your interpretation, too … "speaker", "calm anchor".

About the recent "rogue apostrophe" typos: It is like when one uses loose for lose, their for they're, sell for sale … you know we know better, but get into too big a hurry, concentrating on what we're into, to catch all the wee details, even when we go back through trying to, but not to worry, someone with a keen eye who cares will come along and lend a helping hand, like you always do thank you sincerely, KL! : )

You've left a nice, helpful, and gracious review … warmly appreciated! ⁓ Richard

[R.M.C]

A wonderful image inspiring piece Richard. It's been a while since I've read one of your poems but with your telent, every time I read one it's as if I'm rediscovering the beauty and power of poetry all over again. This metaphoric approach iis befitting of the context and the aspects of nature... Really helping the reader not only picture the scenes and feel what you're saying, but to connect our own lives to nature - which, after reading this piece, now seems more natural and perfect, like we were made in relation to the world around us. Great write.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Ross, for the brilliant review in gratifying commentary to this rather Nature-bound piece of metaphoric wandering.

You've made me appreciate this work in a way I never otherwise would have … bless you, My Friend! ⁓ Richard

[R.M.C]

My pleasure Richard.

[Sami Khalil]

A gift of beauty you share with us from a gifted poet with keen eyes and romantic significance. thank you for sharing, sir...:).............

[Richard🖌]

It is my pleasure, Sami! : )
I thank you, as-well, My Friend, for your expressed enjoyment, recognition, and inspirational praise.

Many blessings upon your days, and "A Happy 4th of July!" ⁓ Richard

[Sami Khalil]

Same to you. You are welcome. .....:))))

[Lydia Shutter]

A magical write. I was carried away in the reverie of staring out at the river and dreaming of a lover. "I watched the gray clouds building, bullying the white ones into submission" what a GREAT line this is! Often negativity in the world wins out over positivity....if only it would not. A love that hurts you time and again.....yet you need it in your life. I can identify! The words in this one flowed easily and so sweetly. Lydi**

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Lydi Sweet! : )
Such a beautiful way to start a July 4th Celebration Day, with one of your lovely, intelligent, embracing, encouraging, always treasured, and insightful reviews.

You've again touched my heart, gratifying my desire to share and please … big fireworks hugs to you, Lydi Dear! ⁓ Richard

[Lydia Shutter]

Happy 4th to you as well, Richard. Stay safe.

[Vatsal Rohilla (account..]

This metaphorical piece is commendable to a great degree. Simple words, but great style. I like the first stanza very much. "What the moment held"- a very nice style of stating the line.
The comparison you have made with the river and the cloud is pretty amazing. The flow is superb and the poem is lovable.
Also, "the black clouds cause the white clouds to submit" has so much imagery and the comparison made later on is fascinating. Excellent piece of poem. Keep writing.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you ever-so gratefully, Vatsal : )
To receive such, appreciative, inspiring, praising, and gratifying a review, I think I will "Keep writing".
I've very much enjoyed your favorite choices and expressed understanding take on this unusually image-laden piece from my (sometimes) overly-creative pen, My Friend, and I am truly moved by your compliments, as-well!

May many gracious blessings find their way into your heart, My Friend! ⁓ Richard

[jacob erin-cilberto]

metaphorically and allegorically this is wonderful...

if we listen hard enough we can hear ourselves in the thunder of the sky and in the thunder of the raging rivers---
but there are also those moments, the whisper, the gurgling brooks...the sound of the rain, softly falling...like our own moods...and as elements of nature live together, we find this with significant others as well..

really well done, Richard.

j.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you sincerely, Jacob! : )
You've gifted this early morning "4th of July" an encouraging and appreciative beginning!
Your parables and analogies are every bit as poetically fetching as the poem's.

Bless you for sharing them, and for your ending compliment, as-well, My Astute Friend, and "A Rousing Happy Independence Day, to You!" ⁓ Richard

[softlyfall]

You clearly have a wonderful grasp of human nature. Your analogy, nature and human nature, is wonderful as well. It gives such immediacy of setting and adds dimension to the protagonist.
I love the way your voice remains conversational yet is also elevated to the literary.
I am awake in the dead of night, as is often the case. Tonight I am more than happy about it, as I have discovered two extremely gifted poets here. I will head back to bed with a grin and read more of your work in the morning.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you most happily, Dear SF! : )
You've began my 4th of July Celebration with a genuinely warm feeling of being understood and enjoyed.
The level of your commentary assures me your praise, grasp, and encouragement are valid and well-placed in homage to my earnest creative efforts to entertain and please my readers.

"Happy Independence Day to You, M'Lady," and a day as beautiful as you've made mine … my very warmest, most happy hug of thanks to you! ⁓ Richard

(you've a cute profile pic, BTW)

[Zahra]

Exquisite write. This is really very beautiful

[Richard🖌]

Thank you ever-so warmly, Zahra!
The inspiration and encouragement from your praise and expressed enjoyment, gift a wonderful sense of accomplishment.

Bless you, Sweet Lady-Poet … hugs to you! ⁓ Richard

[Zahra]

:) .......

[wordman]

beautiful write,loved the image

[Richard🖌]

····⁓🍀⁓····

[Richard🖌]

Thanks for the read, Ron, the compliment, and for loving the picture image(?), mental, emotional, spiritual image(?), My Friend! ⁓ Richard

[Jacob Clifford]

"Wispy dreamlike, drifting-off" very accurately describes this piece. The first stanza sets the tone and eases into the meat of the poem. Throughout the reading, I formed my own picture in my head of the scenes. The final stanza instilled in me both a feeling of comfort and melancholy, with the "rise up into your arms" having me conjure feelings of holding a loved one--very well done.

I could compare the emotions I had while reading this to be comparable to sitting on a raft in the summer; I found myself drifting in the words and letting them gently pull me along, being transfixed the whole time. It was like I wasn't reading the poem but was a part of it. "The River, the Clouds, and Us was obviously a great title.

I've never been particularly fond of love poems, but this was very well written, so I can look past my bias.

[Richard🖌]

My sincere and grateful thanks, Clifford! : )
Ya know?
It is a seemingly endless source of fascination to receive each reader's interpretation, feedback, and expressed grasp on one of my more abstract and metaphorical pieces … often, they more amazingly entertaining and meaningful than the poem, itself … as I find yours to be.
Actually, I can conceive of no more gratifying result or higher compliment than that which you've gifted me in payment for my own resolute labors.

"A Happy July 4th Celebration Day to You, My Very Keen, Insightful Friend!" ⁓ Richard

[William Liston]

I like this poem; it was, as your author's note would suggest "wispy" and "dreamlike." It was like I felt myself become more and more weary with each word, just relaxing letting the poem take its course. I like it when a poem creates that effect. Your fine choice in the visual presentation really helped to enhance the poem's mood too.

If I may critique, I felt like the "I listened" in the first line of the second stanza was unnecessary because you had already stated that you were "listening" in the first stanza. I would've written the first line as follows: ...imagining. I don't think that would be grammatically correct, but I think it would create the effect a lot better.

Other than that, there's nothing else I can say. Nice job.

-William Liston

[Richard🖌]

Splendid review, William, as you are apt to gift … deep and articulate enough to be able to! : )
You have a uniquely You manner of relating to other's poetry that gratifies an author's efforts perfectly (for me, anyway), and I am humbly grateful you can.
Your critique is precisely what poets need to improve on their efforts, and your critique admonishes me not to become so lost in the moment I lose consciousness of my skills … this is the bane of most any writer's product.
Please, William, note the result of your inspirational comment, offering whatever feedback you feel is earned.

Bless you your generous heart and helpful soul, My Friend, and thank you profusely! ⁓ Richard

[William Liston]

I liked the way you reworded it. I like how you used the purpose of my suggestion without actually using my suggestion itself; it still works just as well if not better :)

[Richard🖌]

You suggested "imagining", but it was already in the second verse, so we'd have been back where we started listening/listening, eh(?); so, I put into motion the impetus of poetic thought you inspired — to be a bit more poetively creative and correct.
Thanks again, William … you're a good and helpful friend! ⁓ Richard