Hymn of Sadness

for a contest... possibly

Once upon a midnight dreary while I pondered weak and weary

over scattered scrapbook memories of our past

There came uncanny singing till my head was fairly ringing,

an eerie song of sorrow unsurpassed

Brooding under clouded moon, it was in the bright of June

that for you a choir sang Amazing Grace

Bedeviled by that hymn, making all my fancies grim

for no longer will I feel your warm embrace

With your specter I am haunted; with this melody am taunted,

a cease of saccharine sweet sounds I now crave

This melancholy song that my burden does prolong

Now I hearken to the harmony of the grave

 

Author's Note

The Raven Contest: the first line must be Poe's first line. Otherwise, any form or topic.
Not sure which one I want to submit...

Reviews

[Leonard Birch]

Wow! What an excelent write Rita. Thank you so much for sharing with us.
Leo

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you, Leo

[Cassie]

Thank you for sharing, this is good

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you, Cassie

[shallimarRose]

Wow... powerfull write /Rita...

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you, Rose.

[richom]

An excellent variation on Poe. No one, in my opinion, has ever equaled the meter and cadence of his poems, most especially "Annabel Lee." You did a superb job with the internal rhymes within the lines. This takes a great deal of time, and such rhymes often sound forced. But none of yours do. They all fit the narrative and the flow. "With your specter I am haunted; with this melody am taunted." Superb!

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you - I agree, Poe was in a class all his own. I imagine these rhymes just rolling from his brilliant (crazy) pen...

[Sami Khalil]

I felt like Poe is alive in the spirit of dreariness and weariness but with the everlasting hope...Splendid...:)

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you, Sami!

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)...

[kublakhan27]

It is inevitable that I will be drawn to a poem with Sadness in the title...the degree to which I relate to this piece is immense...who knows how often I've brooded under that clouded moon, especially in the bright of June cuz that usually signals the approximate time that my muse elects to take her summer vacation...this is a no-brainer for my library...great work here Rita, one of my new favourites :)

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you so much, K! I don't do sadness often, but it is no surprise that "June" comes up here... that was the month in which I lost my father years ago. I am glad you felt something in this one.

[kublakhan27]

Always my pleasure :) Needless to say, I'm sorry to hear about your Dad, I lost mine last March and things have never been the same since...perhaps that's why I was able to tap into this one so deeply.

[Jack...]

I really like this one Rita, it shows a different side of you and I find it very enchanting. I choose this one.

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you, Jack. I appreciate your input!

[Troy Henson]

Great flowing piece Rita. Enter this one:)

Once again you have a nack for clean imagery, tone and flow that really make your style a joy to read.

Regards
Troy

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you, Troy! Still deciding, but I appreciate that you had a definitive choice!

[John Lauterbach]

Excluding the beginning line, (because it is.) this feels like Poe's language. I love the scrapbook memories and 'bedeviled.' It has that heavy, dragging language that makes you feel like you're carrying the narrator's burden through the lines.

I've read both this and The Turkey, and I think both are good enough to submit. If there's a single-poem limit, then I say let your mood decide.

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you, John - that's just it. Both came to me when I read about the contest, and only one may be submitted. I appreciate your reading both; I'm glad I was able to give this one a somewhat Poe feel.

[Aethereal]

You may as well enter this one since it sounds somewhat like Poe's poetic language.

[Rita L. Sev]

True, though that wasn't a stipulation in the rules... Thanks for your input!