Hymn of Sadness

for a contest... possibly

Once upon a midnight dreary while I pondered weak and weary

over scattered scrapbook memories of our past

There came uncanny singing till my head was fairly ringing,

an eerie song of sorrow unsurpassed

Brooding under clouded moon, it was in the bright of June

that for you a choir sang Amazing Grace

Bedeviled by that hymn, making all my fancies grim

for no longer will I feel your warm embrace

With your specter I am haunted; with this melody am taunted,

a cease of saccharine sweet sounds I now crave

This melancholy song that my burden does prolong

Now I hearken to the harmony of the grave

 

Author's Note

The Raven Contest: the first line must be Poe's first line. Otherwise, any form or topic.
Not sure which one I want to submit...

Reviews

[Baby Ricochet]

Go ahead and enter it. What's the worst that can happen? A huge meteor hits the planet and kills us all. Well if that happens the contest will be a mute point so what the hell, enter it.

[Rita L. Sev]

Well, there's an endorsement for this one... um, I think... :)

[Ravyne Hawke]

I like this one too, Rita.. dark and brooding like Poe.

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you for reading both, Lori!

[Ravyne Hawke]

Welcome dear =)

[ShelleyA]

Hi Rita. A very good write; a beautiful, heartfelt lament of loss about someone that was very dear to you. Skillfully crafted free style metered rhyming poetry which I enjoy. Good imagery, flow and tone. Line to line transition and breaks are well done. Nice rhythm and enjambment. Rhyme is good as is the rhyme scheme. Excellent use of internal rhyme. Deep expression of emotion, a powerful dirge of sadness. Good word choice. Good closing lines. Well penned. Write on!

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you, Shelley - I appreciate your review here!

[ShelleyA]

You're very welcome Rita. Have a great day!

[Pryde Foltz]

Love the rhyme scheme here. I get of moving from Poe to something almost akin to Emily Bronte. Nice.

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you, Pryde! Truly appreciated!

[Marie]

This is a fine poem, catches Poe's rythm and melancholy perfectly.

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you so much, Marie!

[Maryam]

This piece spoke volumes to me. Really lovely piece. The emotion pours out of your lines. Great job!

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you, Maryam!

[Will]

A powerful longing for someone is evident here. You've shown a deep emotional chasm here, and it is certainly relatable. I think you tell both a sad and wonderful tale here. Nicely done.

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you so much, Will!

[Lydia Shutter]

The longing for one has has passed is powerful in this write, Rita. The meter and rhythm of your lines are perfect! Certainly more intense than the other "Raven" poem you penned. I liked them both. Lydi**

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you, Lydi! I appreciate your reading and reviewing both poems.

[Frieda P]

I felt this one, I assume it's about your beloved, departed father. That's when your sadness is exposed & apparent....I'll change the month to August to make it my own, yesterday was an anniversary, this brought chills to my soul Rita.

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you, Frieda. When I started this one, I was just thinking general funeral sadness - and then the Month of June came to mind - yep, you are right - my sorrow begins and ends with missing my Dad. Sending some joy...

[SteveB]

EAP would be proud.
You have his meter, his rythmn, and I am shocked by you do sadness well. Not shocked that the writing is well done but shocked that you can do sadness. It is outside your norm.
I really liked this. In capturing the spirit of EAP it is easy to become pastiche but you didn't. You were respectful but also individual.

[Rita L. Sev]

Thank you, Steve. Yes, sadness is not my usual - but sometimes it creeps out... Thinking Poe, it wasn't too much of a stretch. :)