If Tonight

If tonight I knocked on your door,

would the air remember my name?

Would your eyes soften,

even for a heartbeat,

at the ghost of me standing there?

I ache to fold into you,

to trace the familiar lines

that no one else could ever hold,

to let the warmth between us

replace the cold walls I have carried

through all these long months.

But love is patient,

and love is cruel,

and love sometimes means

turning away

from the one who still holds your heart.

I linger in the shadow of your light,

feeling every brush of memory,

your laughter,

the tilt of your smile,

the faint scent you leave behind,

the weight of your absence pressing into me.

I raise my hand,

wanting to cross that threshold,

but I stop.

I walk away,

because some loves are too tender

to force,

too fragile to claim.

And still, in the quiet,

I carry you,

a pulse, a scent, a shadow

that will not fade,

even as the night swallows

the echo of my knock.

Author's Note

This poem is metaphorical, but the metaphor lives in the reflection of the speaker’s internal experience, even as she ultimately turns away.

Reviews

[Jansy]

I see you added an Author's note... there was no need.

As a guy, I totally get it. I’ve had moments where I drove hours to see someone, wrestling with my inner-chaos of thoughts the whole way- trying not to crash, lol. Even as I stood at her door, hand raised to knock, I hesitated and walked away. I relate to this completely. I even went to a bar afterward, to drink the "metaphorical experience" instead of overthinking it, haha.

But honestly, walking away was the best decision, because it just wasn’t the right time. If the love is true and strong, it will return… and eventually, you’ll both be in that place where there’s no hesitation, no barriers of a closed door and you greet each other, openly, with an embrace. My go-to karaoke song, 'Open Arms'. I'm pretty sure I went to a karaoke bar haha. The best way to handle this kind of heart ache is to drink and sing.

James☆

[RomaJ]

That's actually a great song. I'm impressed a 22 year old knows journey

[Jansy]

Well, my dad and uncles sing that all the time. My dad loves karaoke, so yes, I've heard all the classics. I probably won't remember the names of the actual singer or group, but I'll remember the song.

[Jansy]

Drink and sing, and then, keep drinking.. until the poetry, that comes afterwards, begins to start writing itself haha

[RomaJ]

You are wise beyond your years, young poet.

[ShadesofV]

Roma,
What a gorgeous and compelling piece. I completely understood the speaker's internal battle at that door. For me, the true emotional climax wasn't the desire to knock, but the moment she raises her hand and then stops. I'm actually glad she walked away. You captured the painful reality that some doors are best left un-knocked, and that walking away, though cruel, is ultimately a brave act of self-preservation. The decision to let the relationship remain a perfect, untouchable shadow is heartbreakingly wise.

It affirms that the memory and the shadow are sometimes healthier than forcing a reality that is too tender to survive.
V

[RomaJ]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reading, V. I’m really glad that the moment of hesitation..the hand raised, then stopped.. resonated with you. That pause is exactly where the emotional weight of the poem lives, and it means a lot to hear that it landed as intended. I love how you described letting the memory remain a “perfect, untouchable shadow”..that’s exactly the delicate space I wanted to honor. Walking away is never simple, but sometimes it’s the bravest act of all. Your words make me feel that the poem’s quiet ache and careful restraint were seen and understood, and I truly appreciate that.
..Roma

[James J FitzGerald]

I walk away,
because some loves are too tender
to force,
too fragile to claim.

I feel like you lost the beautiful allegory and metaphor that you've used thoughout the poem and you are too direct and expository in this stanza.

It should be said like this:
And still, in the quiet,
I carry you,
a pulse, a scent, a shadow
that will not fade,
even as the night swallows
the echo of my knock.

not directly, but indirectly. that's so beautiful

[RomaJ]

Hey James, thanks so much for your thoughtful feedback. I really appreciate how closely you read the poem, and I wanted to clarify a bit about the structure so there’s no confusion regarding your suggestion.

​The lines
​"I walk away,
because some loves are too tender
to force,
too fragile to claim."
​are meant to be direct.

This is the climax of the speaker’s inner struggle. Up to this point, she’s been at the threshold, wrestling with whether to cross it ("I raise my hand, wanting to cross that threshold, but I stop."). Walking away is the action, and these lines are her hard-won explanation. Being clear here gives that choice the emotional weight it needs.

​I noticed you suggested the poem "should be said like this" and quoted my final stanza as the replacement. I want to clear up that structural point:

​The final stanza--

​"And still, in the quiet,
I carry you,
a pulse, a scent, a shadow
that will not fade,
even as the night swallows
the echo of my knock."

​--is not a suggested alternative; it is the poem's intended resolution. The structure moves from direct explanation to metaphorical aftermath.

​The stanza where the speaker states the love is "too tender/too fragile" shows why she leaves. The final stanza shows what she carries after the decision is made. The final stanza is the consequence of the stanza before it. They are not meant to replace each other, but to complete the emotional arc: the sacrifice (direct) followed by the lingering memory (metaphorical).
​Thank you again for engaging so closely with the work. I appreciate the conversation about structure and intent.
..Roma

[James J FitzGerald]

Roma. Thanks for responding. I liked the poem quite a bit. And your explanation makes complete sense. Great writing!

[RomaJ]

Thank you, James. I appreciate the time you to read this poem and your thoughtful review. I'll visit your page soon

[Jansy]

Roma,
This poem lingers like the last note of a cello, stretched across a quiet room. I love how every line carries the ache of absence yet pulses with a tender devotion- love not as possession, but as a living, breathing presence that can’t be forced. The way memory presses into the body, the brush of a smile, the weight of absence…you make longing feel sacred, delicate, and utterly human. Walking away becomes not defeat, but reverence, and that restraint- how quietly powerful it is.

-James☆

[RomaJ]

Thank you, James. Your words touch me deeply. I love how you’ve captured the essence of the poem.. the sacredness in restraint, the tenderness in absence. Longing does feel like its own form of devotion, and to honor it without forcing it is, I think, one of the quietest, yet most powerful acts of love. I’m grateful that it resonated with you so fully. 🌙✨

[Jansy]

When are you going to collaborate with me?

[RomaJ]

You're brilliant writer, James. I don’t want to ruin it haha. Thank you. I appreciate it.