Autopilot

I find myself on autopilot,

looking up at the sky again.

This is life.    

    

Where even the blue of this beautiful day    

is an illusion.    

    

or is it just me, 

the only gray cloud,

in a sea of blue, that doesn't mirror its light,

if only just below the surface

My heart feels heavy

amidst the joy of these passing clouds of white.   

  

I feel myself drifting through the hours,    

     

But the sky keeps moving even in this pause.

And life must go on-- 

even in autopilot     

     

I see my reflection in a cup of coffee and whiskey.

and I think of you. 

it's warmth is fleeting 

like the hours in a day.

The weather here is fickle.

I try to steady myself     

but there is a trembling in the floor beneath me,     

I can't tell if it's the floor,     

the ground or the earth or if it's just the bare bones 

beneath my skin, that’s trembling.     

     

Another drink.

    

I lose control.     

    

Baby, there is nothing I want more--

than to give you 

all my heart,

But it hurts.    

God, it hurts.    

     

I'm not sure if I can carry it myself 

and I don't want to hurt you     

     

I love you     

because I see myself in you. like a river in a dream. 

I gazed into.

I see a happy version of us that smiles without effort     

     

In that reality, 

I visit often,    

Because it feels real.    

Even if it's only an illusion, 

I fall in--

Because it knows exactly how to hold me. 

It carries me.

I just want to lay down 

on its surface, 

and let the river of you, carry the weight of my sorrow. 

just watching the clouds, lost in a memory of us.    

    

 it gets me through my days,     

 on autopilot.

Author's Note

I confess I didn't revise this. Will probably in the future, if I remember to. Cheers.

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

Thank goodness for autopilot. It’s what keeps us functioning when there is too much stuff going on. I know autopilot well, he is a friend to me. This poem is a fountain of outpouring. It’s good to let that stream pour forth instead of building up in a dam. There’s one hell of a lot of emotion here. I can feel it from this side of the pond.

Chris

[RomaJ]

I agree. After years of doing the same routine, tasks, I think are default just goes to autopilot even without thinking about it. It's indeed, a friend. Good thing, our autopilot has very good, navigational skills haha.Thank you, Chris. Your thoughts is much appreciated

[Amy R]

Sometimes we really need times like this, it helps us survive and the sky always there to remind us all that there are better days ahead even if its not just so soon. Lovely imagery and flow, even without edits...
~Amy

[Michael Sun Bear]

“and let the river of you carry the weight of my sorrow”. I love that beautiful line. I would have liked the poem to open with this beautiful thought, then move on to the exploration of how your life really is. Perhaps the very last line being a repetition of the first line. I like how you used the cup of coffee and whiskey. Then “Another drink.” It is a clever way to say a lot about the narrator’s state of mind and heart.Thanks for the contribution Roma. For some reason the website won’t keep you in my Friends list. I have to periodically remind myself to check for new stuff from you. I like your writing and don’t want to lose track.

[Thomas W Case]

Fantastic work, Romaj. I enjoyed it.

[John Sullivan]

If I may, I'm not sure it needs revision, to be honest... Heartfelt, sentimental... and a place we can all relate to. A yearning for a sort of Heaven.... some embryonic return to the Garden, in a certain sort of language... There's nothing better, when it's good... but it so seldomly is...

[Arundass TP]

Very imaginative poem on life. Loved it

[jacob erin-cilberto]

WE so want to breakout of being in ruts. Going through the day in such routine, we don't even have thoughts about what we are doing and why.
This is such an excellent write.
Being my age, it is a promise to self...Don't get lost in routine...still alive enough to have variety in life.
j.

[John the Baptist]

This one has the sound of, if not depression, that milder variant of it known as the blues. At first the source of this malaise is not mentioned, but eventually we understand there is some type of separation between the speaker and someone special. Perhaps a renewal of this relationship will chase the blues away, but any deepening of symptoms should be taken seriously.

[red93]

Survive - that is what I tell myself all the time, living from Paydays to Paydays. Put one foot in front of the other and keep walking, like soldiers on a march. Take whatever comfort you can from the small things in life. Gripping stuff Roma. Exceptional ✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

[Yasmin]

Being on autopilot, makes you human. And the fact that you keep watching the sky, even while drifting, tells me there is a part of you that still believes in light.

[RomaJ]

That is such a lovely thought and I agree. Your words is like reading poetry. Thank you