A Cold Blade

A Cold Blade

 

It’s a dark but so clear night

But still too dark to have a clear sight

You feeling a bit afraid

Because in the darkness there’s this scary shade

 

You turn around but no one can be seen

Your pulse runs faster than it’s ever been

Quickly you try to run

as you know the horror has just begun

 

But Your feet is just moving to slow

There’s something wrong with the ground below

Why are you suddenly in quicksand

And now behind you, THE shadow stands

 

You can see it shimmers in the moon

The cold blade penetrates and makes a wound

You try to scream, but no sound comes out

How you regret you took this route

 

Now your life is fading away

You do your best and try to pray

suddenly you have awaken

There’s no cold blade and your life is not taken.

Reviews

[kashaw]

I write a lot about pain, suffering,blood and gore but I never have nightmares. Am I the only one who doesn't have nightmares?
Anyway back to your work... But Your feet is just moving to slow
There’s something wrong with the ground below
Why are you suddenly in quicksand
These are a great few lines, I can hear the panic in these few lines, I feel the panic more in these lines than the writing about the shadow,
If you have some spare time why not pop by and give my writing a quick check, I'm new to the site and some feedback would be great. Thanks. X K.

[Ronny]

Thanks you for feedback.
It's been ages since I've had a nightmare I believe, but I remember the feeling like it was yesterday.
Waking up sweaty and with your hart ponding! but in a such big relief.. it's scary but even a good feeling..

The lines you refer to should be more panicking as I try to explain how the body never does as you want in an nightmare, the shade could be your own or anyone's, it's always there if you understand what I mean.
Glad you liked it, will definitely look at your work.

Thanks for the review.

[xansizi]

I really like the feelings expressed in this poem and can relate it to some nightnares I've had. I love the linking in to all senses. I would maybe change something in the last 2 lines- maybe change 'luckily' for 'suddenly'? Just a thought. I'm also new to the site-posted my first piece tonight. Would appreciate some feedback

[Ronny]

Thank you so much.
Glad you liked it, and I really like your idea, I will change luckily for Suddenly, it actually makes more sense.

Thanks again, I'll take a look at your work later :)

[Jasmine Jade]

I enjoyed it; there were some really good rhyming choices in there :3

[Ronny]

Thanks Jasmine :)

[Isiah Holmes]

Really good imagery here, awesome story and word choice-great read!

[Ronny]

Much appreciated Isiah, glad you liked it :)

[DayDreamerAmber]

This is pretty interesting. I feel as though I was reading something I would write. Very intense.

[Ronny]

Thanks for the feedback :)
I'll check your work out :)