Pressing toward my lover

I'm beat.
I'm bruised.
I am over stimulated.
My lover from this earth is dead.
I play the game.
I fight to be encouraged.
There is a river of grieve against my soul.
I'm pressing upstream.
I slip back and fall gulping down the water with my breath,
Chocking, gasping, grasping.
I must go on I can not quite.
In heaven I will see her.
I must wait out my time,
struggle through my last days.
I get up.
I struggle.
I cry.
I scream the water rages against my soul.
A little hope shines within.
just enough heaven touches me,
just enough to keep  struggleing,
onward, northward to the kingdom of light.
My soul is weary but I will not quite.
Yet, I long for death for it shall be my sweet release.
I will see my lover standing with God and open arms.
That day will be by healing
that day will I rise up.
Rise like I've never risen.
Though now I strugle like Ive never struggled.
God is making me swim up stream like a desperate injured salmon.
Some how I know that in a thousand years from now I will understand; but now only faith and hope hold my soul.

I will trust.

I will go forward.

There is no loss in trying

I have already lost what was best.

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Not everyday is this bad, but this is a true expression of some of my days.

Reviews

[Pointblank]

If I wasn't depressed before I am depressed now. What an incredible love...and loss. I would hope my love would go on and do all the things we planned..with my thoughts in his head and a smile on his face. I will read more of your work looking for a happiness and light. Important, meaningful, and I've gained insight from reading it. TY

[emmajoy]

What an incredibly moving poem! I've read it twice and felt more and more involved and affected by your words.
Look to the sun and stars and smile a smile.

[Captain Spanky]

I can feel the love you had for your wife, wonderful.

[chris' girlfriend]

the last line made me sad :(
its a great/AMAZING poem!!!