Something new

I've decided to keep a poetry diary. A small A5 writing pad which i shall write in everyday. nothing too fancy. Just somewhere managed and collected. x

Slept, slept
until the windows
clothes ripped
bare

and until, the stars,
the stars spoke

to the bruise on my
heart's lung
and the sugar
on the end of
my tounge.

And served, served
vibrations hand
in a dish of dirt.

Wave goodbye
wither vibration
and leave the windows
bones open.

Reviews

[Collect-Eye]

Personally I think you're better at this than me..better step up my game a little..ha

that said..i loved the fusion of metaphors in each stanza..you've condensed so much material in so little time and space...it brings the here and now into the everywhere infinitely.

And I love how you snap certain lines into action like a cosmic rubber band w/ well chosen and timed repeating of words w/out overusing the effect..amazing Safrina..proud to even know you let alone be this close to you.

[Sexy P3nguin]

This is a very abstract poem.. well at leas it seems it is to me.
Some of the most intereting parts were these 2:
1.to the bruise on my
heart's lung
and the sugar
on the end of
my tounge.

2.
Wave goodbye
wither vibration
and leave the windows
bones open.

Great job

Loneliness, perhaps.
To me, when I read this I got the feeling that people get when they sleep too much, and yes, that is possible. Because when you sleep too much you actually feels loads more tired, exhausted, and it's like time stands still.

Personification. that's it. that's what you're brilliant at incorporating into your writing. bloody hell, I LOVE your writing.

[Charles D. Moorer]

This is a very interesting peom. I expecially like the first stanza. You have some nice visuals going on here, not all concrete but appealing to other senses as well. Nicely done. I will read more.