Rose

A Universe of love,
That was born inside a rose
The eager flutterbies it drew
Towards itself, so close.

Red as the fleeting sunset's lips,
Pure as a child's innocent tear,
Still as a painted canvas, and,
Lonely as an unquenched fear.

The morning dew prettily adorns
Her silver smooth red skin,
And when our sun spreads his smile,
Wears out, all so thin.

So seducing, so untouchable,
Her mighty little thorns warn you
That you shall only see
And also lose your mind, how true!

Away from war, this beauty stands,
Away from pain and the undying death.
Though sadly, in a day or two,
She is bound to feel his evil breath.

Chances lie, that she might mourn
The passing of a dearly loved one.
And chances lie that she might share
The merriness of a love won.

I admire as she sways in the wind,
And along sways my restless heart.
The beauty of a virgin rose,
Has gifted me a young and lovely start...

Reviews

[Alexander Emberson]

You had me at the second stanza. A very wonderful piece. The last two lines bring everything together, and the rhyming is superb!

[B MacGregor]

By the third stanza you defined the rose as female. Fascinating.

Has gifted me a start. Even more fascinating. The beginning is yet to come.

[Cynthia]

It's a very very good poem! I love it! That's beautiful of how you discribe a rose in this poem.
That's nice!

[Abdul Aziz]

This is simple, and elegant. I like how you describe a rose. You might very well be describing a woman with these terms. And a very beautiful woman, at that. There are some exquisite lines here.
"Red as the fleeting sunset's lips," .. that was unique!
The flow of this poem is very good, but I think it could have been better. Try to cut some syllables that aren't needed, and gauge the rhythm of the piece. These are the basics of meter, too.
Overall, a very good read. Nice work :)

[Revolved]

I love this! It's really amazing and just lovely :)

[Marie Harrison]

The visual imagery and emotions of this poem are beautiful. I loved the ending.

[Hamkar]

The universe of love, brilliant metaphor. This whole poem has a safe feeling about it, like when you visit this universe, you will be safe.