Charitable

The life they have given is nothing more than a charity.

Emotions are unexpressive

life unbearable

Its so unalterable

destination unreachable

I’m fallible

but

that’s not acceptable

I was unbreakable

now

not even collectible

erasing past is impossible

losing the remaining pieces

now

I’m all disintegrated

no more reusable

another story

In this damaged world

every thought

Crude

every page

rough and unreadable

now

this all is pitiable

no more eligible

for this rite

these bloody tears

making it worst to bear

not suitable

to be suitable

I'm not adaptable

to get sick again and live

I deserve better

I’m not pliable

my life

the so very me

and my stiffed soul

 are not even charitable.  

Author's Note

Feel free to express..

Reviews

[Barbara Walker]

Emotionally wretched is what this poem conveys. No hope at all. This is having reached the bottom of the pit. Nice write!

[R.A. Youngblood]

This is very deep filled with unique emotions.
Your flow is good as always, and i didn't find any grammatic error or something else.
I like your poetic choice of words in this one!
Thanks for sharing..Keep it up buddy :D

[Sir Joe]

Good poem.
However, you should have also been particular with the substance of the piece. You paid much attention to rhyming that's why some lines not only sounded awkward and forced but also a little deviating. The more you rhyme, the more tendency there is to deviate. The more attention you put to the meaning you wanted to convey, the less rhyming there will be. So, there should be balance. focus on the structure as you focus on the meaning. (=
But as I've said, this is a good poem. (=
Keep writing my new friend. (=

[Mi]

good piece.. but... wordings could be more and very effective .. em confused to understand whats lacking... but overall... it made me wonder...

[Pax]

i love the flow of rhythm and rhyming words..
this poem makes me sad in a way..like erasing past is impossible
but the last stanzas makes it more better because it deserves better.
great work my friend

[w]

This has potential. The words are good but could be tweaked a bit (more original phrasing.). the constant commas and capitalization is making my head hurt as well. Is there supposed to a half break at the end of each line only to have a new inception of that fore-idea? Always read your pieces aloud and remember your grammar lessons.

[Maan]

Thank you for your review. :) I've omitted the commas and all the capitalizations. No doubt, seems better now. :) Thank you again.

[w]

Much better, but some punctuation is good as well.

[Serena]

Love it. awesome job

[Kes]

I really enjoyed this! The ebb and flow of the rhythm and rhyme is amazing, and the subject matter is so profound.
Great work!
K

[MOON]

Love this write Maan , it speaks about where we are and how we fit in or rather dont fit in , the rules we are bound to . Deep.

[Mazie Tackett]

thats deep keep writing i love this and would love to read more of your things