For Kylee

“Mayday, Mayday, Mayday.” I called through the radio as calmly as I could. There was no answer.

            “Mayday, Mayday! Mayday!” slightly more worried this time. Again, there was no answer. My phone! I watched the quill pen dial the rainbow colored numbers on my phone and hit the “talk” button.

            “Message MD-“

            “No!” we were out of range! I didn’t ever take the time to find out the Cuban emergency number, not that they would come anyway.

            Everything had been so perfect. The sky was so serene, our dive flag flying high on this beautiful reef. No refugees had come by us at all that day. The waters were calm and clear with the fish swimming gently through the blue water. A light breeze had picked up, it was time to rain and the sun to set, tonight was going to be the night I saw the green spike off the sun for my fairy tale love to come true. The whole sky lit up green that night.

            Now that it was dark we were heading in and the stormy night had consumed the sky. The striking winds and tall waves began to uncontrollably shake the boat from mass to mass. Our anchor was soon shook lose. Still with her gear on, Kylee jumped in after it forgetting she had only 10 minutes time left on her tank. I couldn’t stop her, and even if she knew she would’ve done it anyway saying she could dive down and retrieve the anchor in just enough time.

             I counted the moments on my own watch; she needed to come back up in five minutes. I knew I was going to call mayday at eleven minutes. She couldn’t hold her breath for more than a minute and I knew that. The alarm went off, it had been ten minutes, I would carefully watch for disturbances in the water for the next minute.

            “Kylee!” I yelled as if to get her attention even though I knew there would be no way to get her attention. She didn’t come but I still had faith, she was going to come. Trying to keep the best of hopes, the best of thoughts in mind, the worrisome, horrid thoughts kept running through my mind like a marathon runner who knew they couldn’t stop. Just to see her face again; it was all that I asked for. There was just a need.

           Out of the corner of my eye I saw her mask slowly floating to the surface. Tears sprung to my eyes, suddenly, complete awareness of my surroundings took over. Her body would never be found on the sea floor, the current would carry Kylee for miles. The thought of just leaving her there like that hurt, but it had to be done. Right now getting back to Key West was my priority. The boat would simply have to be tied up.

             I felt like a murder. Kylee’s death was my fault. If only I had gone after her, she wouldn’t have died. She saved my life twice before and my instincts had barely kicked in when she had jumped in after the anchor.

            What was I to tell the cops when I got back to Key West? Kylee just jumped in and I was in too much shock that I couldn’t stop her? Like they would believe that! I felt irrationally guilty. I wasn’t her murder. It’s not like I pushed her into the water knowing full well she was low on oxygen. But I did know she only had ten minutes, I might as well have pushed her in, and stopping her was my duty. I could’ve stopped her but didn’t.

             Even in death, I still love you, I’m sorry. By now I was crying so hard I could barely see. I slipped my left hand into my pocket to feel the silver ring laced with black diamonds upon flowers that wrapped around my thumb. The ring gave me a sense of serenity and comfort. Not this time though; this time it made me cry harder. I remember the day Kylee gave me the ring. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, every time I thought about it; I couldn’t help but cry harder.

            Sudden rage came over me. If I had my anchor then I would be able to stop. If I had my Kylee, I wouldn’t need to stop. Nature had given me the finger; once and for all. It was still stormy. I had been questioning my own life now and I began to wonder if I was even going in the right direction.

            The word “faith” was engraved upon my stomach, the waters were furious; yet, all I could hear was Kylee’s voice. Her voice consumed me like the darkness consumed the night sky. I could feel her presence still wrapped around me like the black raven’s wings of the angel of darkness and of death.

            It must’ve been 2 or 3 in the morning. I needed sleep. I wondered where the ocean would take me if I just slept. I almost didn’t care anymore, lost at sea meant nothing to me at the moment. The tears had come to a halt and death took a tighter hold on my soul. I wasn’t just tired, I couldn’t move. I turned off the radio, I knew there would be no answer, and she was dead 10 miles back. I flipped on my CD player in hopes of disconnecting from the world at hand.

***

            Everything went black, my heart was racing, and I had no recollection of what had happened. I woke up with tears still in my eyes on the pier. Something began to click. My Watch! It was 7 am and it was time for another morning trip out to the Dry Tortugas for yet another tourist attraction.