buried breath

I listened to a song, and wrote what came

I can’t breathe
my lungs pump in desperation
but no avail

I’m dying
Even as the fight inside me grows stronger
I know that I am done
Everything is finished

No
I fight harder
scraping against the coffin that encloses me
I shriek
my fear
will not let me accept defeat

 so I scream
even when my lungs have no air to fuel it
and I thrash
even when my arms have long since lost their strength
when hope has fled

still fighting
though the darkness
has forever stilled...

Me

Reviews

[Meg Craft]

Wonderful! I was hooked from the first line and wasn't left disappointed! So full of heart and vivid!

-R.E. Imfeld

[Aeternal Oceanfire]

This is very good. What song was it?

[whispereversolightly]

My goodness this is so heartfelt, I can feel this write.

[Dreamer]

Determination stands out! As always... i love you positive tones even in the middle of despair. Keep thrashing those arms:) Good write

[Niko Timmy]

The pain in this person's perspective is so pure and obvious, it makes the reader want to read more. Not to mention, the poem is well written out. Good job.

[Ashley Jordan]

Your wording portrayed the emotions so well. I felt anxious and desperate. A yearning. That is exactly why I enjoyed this piece so much. It moved me, as good work does/should. Good job. (: Keep writing!

[BrynnaW.]

Wow as the person below said, you really can feel the characters pain. On the second to last stanza, first line you accidentally put "I so I scream." Anyways, this poem is absolutely wonderful and you should keep on writing!

[Chococat]

This is written so well you can feel the pain of the person.
Good job!