You were

When I was down on my knees
When I had nothing to release
there you were with me.

when I was up the hills
when I was coolest of the chicks
there you were with me.

when I was sank and freeze
when I was hurt on the kneels
 there you were with me..

and it's all in my dreams
with you  hell, haven is
And I'm happy that,
 there you were with me.

Reviews

[Willard Wells]

Concept and idea are very nice, but there are structure and flow issues. I have re-done the piece just to give you some ideas and I know I did not give you much time to review it after publishing. Keep up the writing and I hope you do not mind my suggestions. Even with the change I made, I did very little with the third stanza as I was not sure of all the words.

"When I was down on my knees
When I had nothing to release
there you were with me.

when I was up the hills
when I was coolest of the chicks
there you were with me.

when I was sank and freeze
when I was hurt on the kneels
there you were with me..

and it's all in my dreams
with you is it hell or heaven
And I'm happy that,
there you were with me."

[Sarah King]

oh my God! thank you so much for your kind review and help. I bet you are right. I my self like the new structure the best. But about the last stanza I prefer to have my own one. thanks again for your help. :)

[Willard Wells]

In the end every piece is your own and suggestion should be taken as you find them logical and helpful. You are always the final judge of your work.

[Sarah King]

thank you sir. I believe you helped me to make my poem much better, your comments are always well come. :)

[hdc]

With respect to Mr. Wells, I disagree. I think that focusing to much on structure and form is the fastest way to stifle creativity. Your art is your own, Picasso didn't exactly paint in the lines. :)

[Sarah King]

you are right but I needed those reviews too. thank you friend

[Krizito]

And when I ached for a morning boost, there you came with this...great idea, nice flow, cool rhythm...I likey..

[Sarah King]

thank you for your beautiful comment :)

[Krizito]

Always my pleasure..

[Neha Sharma]

The poem looks good. :)
"There were you with me," the inversion sounds fine. Even if it is written in the standard format as, 'You were there with me,' it wouldn't make a difference.
I feel in the last stanza, second line it should be "With you hell is heaven" or "With you hell seemed heaven"
I liked the nostalgic factor of the poem. Good work. Keep writing. :)

[Sarah King]

Thank you for your comment :)

[Inject Positivity]

Very well thought out work....I loved the concept and the appreciation you have shown through out the poem....You managed to keep the simplicity of the poem....The reader will truly feel the emotion of this poem....Great job mate.....Full rating....But i just want to point out one thing is that in the 10th line 'it;s' may be 'it's'.....

[Sarah King]

Thank you :) I got it, and I'll fix it