End of me!

you found yourself tired of me
I got you don't feel like me
you found your way oppose of me
just because ,
you think there's no use of me

you got me as an old  Amber
I got you as a harming hammer
and that's how our relations were

you found interests in my friend
I got both of you worthy intend
and that's how our relation went

you got a new house with her
I got nothing without you pair
who thought this relation was fair!

you got laughing for the new ones
I was moaning for the lost ones
and that's how our relation moved on

you got flowers for my funeral
I got happy it came to final
and babe boy,
we both know
that's how our relation ended.

Reviews

[Deanna M.]

This poem really hits a person. I like the rhyme scheme, and the way it flows about how the relationship started to go bad and how it ended. Actually reminds me of a movie I saw called Blue Valentine. This is one of my favorite poems, and keep up the good work!! Can't wait to read more.

[Sarah King]

thank you dear!

[Davidgeo]

I like that you use 'I' to start every second line per stanza. Kind of like a central support beam to center around, so to speak.

Some of the word choices though, no good or just kind of jarring and even though it's a poem - not correctly used.

For example, "you found your way oppose of me" eh, that's not easy on the ears if you know what I mean.

"I got happy it came to final".... same thing.


"I got both of you worthy intend"... that just doesn't really make good sense and sounds like a hot cup of dog piss.

But you have stuff like,, well the entire second stanza, that's extremely fantastic and beyond the capabilities of 99.9% of the clowns on this site.

This is above average, but in need of a makeover.

[Sarah King]

well. that's good to hear you liked this one. As I have said before, I just write my thoughts, but you're right. I have to work on the skills. thanks for your review.

[Sarah King]

however, I won't call anybody who shows her/his feeling in a poem or writing a clown :/ therefore, let everybody show their thoughts, too. most of the members are beyond talented. lets respect everybody's style ;)

[Sarah King]

you know what, you are right we must be ourselves, what I said to you was what I felt inside. we have to respect others if we are human beings.. politeness ( if you are really that I AM0 I learned to respect every word of others even if they are BULLSHITS just like yours and I won't shut my mouth or my emotions whether you like it or not. If you don't like the poems that the guys including me write on the web, why do you bother yourself.. just focus on yours and we'll see there's a big difference between being honest and bothering others with your nonsense criticisms. ok?

[Alucard6336]

Intense emotion. I hope if things are personal life goes better for you.

I like it though :) you have s good talent: keep writing.

[Sarah King]

thank you. :)

[Gee]

A nicely told tale of a too often seen failed romance in poetic form.Well done

[Sarah King]

Thank you!

[Gee]

My pleasure.....

[hdc]

I like the way it tells a story:) Nicely done

[Sarah King]

Thank you :)

[ochechi]

My best friend
I am my true best friend
Others will betray me and hurt me
But I will not do that to me,
I believe on one person
Which is me,
I will be the cause of my success and failure
So I can blame no one or pay obligation to no one.
My inner mind my best companion
I will listen to her with all wisdom,
I will be selfish with love
I will love me like no other

[Sarah King]

it was so sweet! thank you

[ochechi]

You are welcome