Ribbons

Ribbons

The wind blew them through the air

But the little girl held on strong

Watching the colors float in the blue sky

The air smelled of ocean breeze

And the shore just feet away

Beckoned 

Clouds were forming 

A storm brewing just beyond the town

She thought there was time

Her eyes focused  to the sky

Her feet moving in circles

Against the ending dock

In circles, twirling

No one around to stop her

"Look at the Ribbons," she said to the sky

Her feet hit the air

Her head, the water

The ocean devouring

No one noticed

Distracted by the world

Forgetting the child

Days later,

Her body dragged to shore,

A crowd gathered

They noticed her dress as blue as the ocean

Her eyes as green as grass

And her hands tightly clutching the ribbons

She never let go

Why didn't they notice her before, like I did

She told me "Look at the ribbons"

Reviews

[FlamingPhoenix]

Oh ouch! This is such a masterpiece of beautiful penning. The story is heartbreaking--both for anyone who's ever failed to notice what is most important and for anyone who's ever struggled to learn how to let go. Wow! I'm truly amazed by this one!!!

[Savannah Bly]

Thank you FlamingPhoenix! I am glad you like it! :)

[Devesh]

Amazing writing, this is! Almost like an assault on the senses: It was almost as I were on a seashore, could almost taste the salt in the wind. And the imagery: it was stunning. Strong emotions as well. Great job! :)

[Savannah Bly]

Thank you so much for your kind words! :)

[Devesh]

Your writing deserves them :)

[Savannah Bly]

Thank you!

[Sami Khalil]

A sad and emotive write. You touch the cores of our hearts...:).............

[Savannah Bly]

Thank you so much for a great review Sami! :)

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:).................

[melissa]

Awesome poem keep up the great work i can't wait to read more

[Savannah Bly]

Thank you so much! :)

[melissa]

Your welcome

[MARK JOHN JUNOR]

great piece, full of emotion

[Savannah Bly]

Thank you!

[William Wapi]

Very sad poem. A child is fascinated by ribbons floating about but ends up falling off a rock into the waters, drowning. I like it very much, I could almost see the whole scene, really.

However, I don't see the relevance or the meaning of the 1st and 2nd lines in the second-to-last stanza. The third line can fit in the previous stanza, and I think it would still make sense. Also, I am kind of confused;

"Days later
Pulled out of shore
A crowd gathered"

Was the crowd "pulled out of" shore or was the girl "pulled to shore"?

[Savannah Bly]

Thank you for your review! I fixed the mix-up with the "days later" stanza.
The significance of all lines in second to the last stanza is that these are things that the crowd never noticed until now but the sky did. The first line in last stanza is the sky reassuring itself that they noticed she never let go, that they were there.
Thoughts?

[William Wapi]

Alright, I understand it now. Good work.

[Savannah Bly]

Thank you again for your thoughts!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

such a sad piece...that poor little girl clutching at the ribbons...that person who never gets noticed until it is too late...we always feel we have time to do that one more thing before it is too late, before the storm of life hits us and drags us into the depths...

but time can be a real con artist and in the end we will fall...and the ribbons are all that is left.

[Savannah Bly]

Thank you so much! Your reflective analysis is thoughtful and deep as well! Thank you. :)

[Kamari's]

Very descriptive and sad and well wrote

[Savannah Bly]

Thank you!

[Kamari's]

Welcome I liked this one a lot

[Bright Ocean Star]

Savannah, this is too deep for me with a glass of wine beginning to work it's magic. I'm confused....did she commit suicide? What is the significance of "looking at the ribbons?" was she a little 'touched'? I'm missing something important, i know. please fill me in. It was beautiful and wistful and sad and very, very well written...but I'm missing something. Thank you for sharing this incredible poem with us. It was lovely. I love the imagery of the dock, the sky and the water. Thank you for publishing this for us to read. It will stay with me awhile.

[Savannah Bly]

She was a little girl who drowned because she was showing the sky ribbons and no one could save her. Children are easily fascinated, this girl saw a ribbon and wanted to show someone. No one was there, except the sky. They didn't notice til she washed up on shore.

[Bright Ocean Star]

Oh, how sad. That makes sense. Children often live in another world where a human presence isn't always necessary to talk to. Thank you for this poem. Terribly sad, but so beautifully written...

[Oswald Chesterfield Cob..]

This was so beautiful :) I really enjoyed it, I hope to read more of your work soon ^-^

[Savannah Bly]

Thank you so much! I am glad you liked it. :)

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

Your very welcome :)