Phantasmagoria

Phantasmagorical self..

Beneath one constellation of marvels,
Basking in the glory of austerity-
Tender ardor of sweet sonority,
Strolling in a field strewn with long oblongs.
Tiny grass-lets, crafted with purple circles,
Beset with one cold azure royalty-
Espousing queer air of fake loyalty-
Eluding thoughts caught in insane rambles.
One thick miasma, off one lone passion,-
Embracing senses sizzling and seething.
Beneath the ripples of rebellion,-
Ricochets off a sublime thought fuming.
While instincts shed stale tears of affection,
Astute conscience leaves me, grinning.

Reviews

[KatiePie]

Your wide ranged vocabulary just makes this all the more beautiful.
I loved reading it, hearing these words out loud was like.. velvet on my ears.
-Cathrine

[Jonathan Ballam]

My first thought was...damn this guy is too wordy. As the poem developed it grew on me and filled me with images and stories of another time and place!

Beautiful title aswell I might add :D

[The Uncommon Muse]

I love your verbosity, for it at times matches my own. You have many many wonderful individual lines, but I think cohesion of the piece as a whole is lost and it becomes just a smattering of unique individual lines and the impact of your message gets lost

[The Analog Kid]

Again, so many good individual line. I just don't see much cohesion throughout. Also, great word choices.

[Ashley.M.E]

this is great, I actually hate reading, but I definitely do not mind taking the time to read your poems. =)

[Ruth]

I like this a lot
Surreal again and sometimes grabbing that surreality works really well!
Love it!
xx

[RDOriginal]

I can see how you've really let your mind go on this one but in my opinion the work as a whole doesn't hang together as well as it might. There are some lovely individual lines there such as 'ricochets off a sublime thought fuming"' but the impact is a little reduced by the random nature of the other lines. I'd suggest perhaps adopting a bit more of a structure by maybe developing one of thee themes as otherwise it may come across like a torrent of thoughts. Certainly keep experimenting though and try advice from different people, some of us might just not be 'getting' your work.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I wonder why this is rated mature. I found it rather confusing. But don't let that bother you, I don't get abstract art either. lol No rating since I won't be a critic of what I don't understand.

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Great free verse. I like the style and cadence to this piece especially. Conjures so many wonderful images. Well done!
Light,
SiddARTha

[zombiikillah666]

eluding thoughts caught in insane rambles. i relate to that line. lol..
this is really good.....its kinda like, i went down in the rabbit hole,
and this is what was found. (: great work.....looooooooove it. (:
*gives you candy bar.* xD