Big Man

Just Read

The blood stains
on the standard bed sheets
where he effortlessly tied me
wrist and ankle
to beat me
while he
beat off
were saturated
in my blood
and my tears
and my dignity
was long gone
the first time,
so many times ago.

 

Once I was
slick with my vital fluids
and my tears had dried up,
he had his red lubrication
and shoved himself
inside of me -
I was burdened 

by all of his

four inches.

I cried for my mother
but he reached around
and slapped my mouth,
causing more blood
to spray the wall.

 

She lay in her bed
not fifty feet away
tears rolling down
while the television
was on mute
so she could listen,
getting her cheap thrills
in as well.

 

I was only

twelve

years

old.

Reviews

[Winslow Des Totes]

Ouch. This one stung me. I only hope it is fiction, though this swollen pain I feel in reading it is very, very real. Amazingly powerful write! Excellent use of diction and syntax to tear at the readers heart and make it bleed emotion, which in truth is the very essence of poetry....

[w]

I will just say it was a tough piece to write. Thank you.

[Winslow Des Totes]

:( Well know that it moved me, and for what it's worth, I really appreciate that you wrote it so honestly thanks. The world needs more understanding and I've always believed poetry to be a perfect conduit for all of life's great emotions.

[Jordan A. Wilson]

Gripping and well written.

[MOON]

Poignant write dreadful deeds.

[GunMetal]

This was difficult to read, and difficult to comment on. Not because the poem is bad, but the story it tells is the kind my mind hates to see. F**k, dude. All I can say is this is most affective.

[w]

Its not supposed to be an easy read as it was not easy to live through for me or whoever went through it.

[Tiffy Yvonne]

..............lost for words

[Corset]

read.

[Laura Maidah]

I don't like you referring to anything as cliche in a setting like this. It weakens the violence and makes me think of syntax and connotations of stains and banalities of blood. ONce my body was beyond bloody: Very cliche/ very cheesy. She lie in her bed: grammar/verb tense issue. I love the "cheap thrills line". The last line is powerful conceptually. Maybe change the words to make it a fragment and pack more heat?

[w]

I debating on using cliché several times, took it in and out. This is a personal situation and it felt cliché to say what was being said. I think to have even one opinion (one I am starting to really appreciate) that pushes me one way has made me think about it again. I think I am going to take it out for now. Suggestion for an alternative to "Once my body//was beyond bloody"? Good catch on the lie/lay. Not sure how I feel about fragmenting the last line, but thank you. This is one of the few pieces I have let another pair of eyes on before I spent at least days pouring over it.

[Laura Maidah]

once the roses bloomed over my body? How lame is that.

hmm....
Once my body was wrecked alive? Lame.

Why do you need the "bloody" anyway? We get it. THere's blood.

Once my body/ was beyond mangled.

Once my body/ lay in wreckage
Once my body/ lay tattered in ribbons

I can't think of anything better.

[w]

My change:
Once I was
slick with my vital fluids

Thoughts?