break

my hands tucked in my jumper
nervous laughter, cow-eyed.
he did not meet my glance
ducked his head to miss me
full of nothing, for him.
hitched a bag.
the streets stretched and
carved out a path for me
and i walked it, left this life.
each step leaving behind a face
a name, her name.

then screaming down the phone
because you never loved me
you'll never be here.
your little girl who played
amongst suitcases in the absence
of your arms.
i want you to suffer with me
to inflict upon you what i do
upon myself when i am alone.
along the pier, crying into plastic
scribbling upon papers
hiding them from their eyes.
my one sanctuary, please, please help me
but every time you do this
and i will never forgive you.