anniversaire

happy, happy
birthday.
a year ago today.
i buried my head beneath
a stranger's wings.
tobacco stream.
and through peripherals;
milk and wheat.
that wide-eyed fawn
of green-eyed jealousy,
i thought could prevent me.
i found the scalding beauty
of spirits down the throat,
and i felt for once
i could love.
if you needed a whole heart
you should have left me be.
if i'd spoken rather too harshly
you might have felt something for me.
i give
and give
and give
and falter, when
the snow drove away the leaves.
and pink-scar remnants
were covered up
by black, polyester sleeves.
and maybe the spirit
found its place
within my blood this night.
and maybe tears threatened to fall
when i thought of what
of what might.
if he was here
he'd hug away
these drunken fears.