all eighteen

owen,
you smelled of amber leaf
and i was so happy
to bury my curls
into your leather jacket.
eating strawberries,
because the magazines said
it would make you want to kiss me.
kris
crushed me under his weight
and bruised my wrists
just so he could get a taste.
tom, you're my high-school one
my sweetheart
and the father
of our four children.
even if you pierced your lip
and lost your spirit
in her grip.
you're my only
four-year
(hold me)
every october
our anniversary.
sam was older
artist-lover
took me to his room
on a sunny afternoon
we got high
and he tried to make love to me.
i was fifteen.
and josh met me
when we belonged to other people.
we drank vodka.
and fell in love.
i wanted to run away with him,
live in a tent
and let our feet get dirty.
what any normal girl wants
at sixteen.
i kissed mezz
to make somebody else jealous.
it worked.
gwen wanted to know
if boys could tell
if you'd kissed before.
anna had a pointy tongue
and liked attention.
jodie
approached me at a party.
grabbed me by my cheeks
and had her way with me.
joel was my friend,
and i wanted him to have a first kiss
i wouldn't necessarily remember.
even if he did.
spud stroked my legs
under the school-tables.
followed me around
with droopy eyes
and walked me home in the rain.
until somehow we were kissing.
you have to admire
the kind of guy
who turns you into his girlfriend
without your consent.
i was depressed
when i met sammy
luckily,
he had fifty per cent vodka
and had no aversion
to spending the whole night
just kissing me
when i was half-asleep.
i loved holly
but she didn't love me.
and just kissing her
made me dizzy.
which brings us to andy.
who hid with me
in the cupboard under the stairs
from his ex-girlfriend.
shortly after,
jon held my hands
as i climbed into my bed
in the middle of my party.
our toes intertwined,
and i turned around
to find his lips meeting mine.
the next day,
with mouthwash crusting our faces
he stepped out of the shower,
all radiance,
and i still had smeared eyeliner.
my husband, adam,
used to kiss me for hours
in a way
that i sometimes try
to imitate.
matt
my big brother figure,
at least i thought he was
until we were kissing
on my street corner
(i think it was the tequila.)
then one lonely night,
i met a man
who held my hand
he danced with me
in the crowded club scene.
one for each of my years,
they still have a piece of me.
all eighteen.