recovering everything

I am in recovery
in no traditional sense
mind spirit & body
trained to stare at screens
trained to plug in & shop
trained to go to bathhouses & bars
trained to forget how to love

Let me recover my smile
the minutes today spent smoking cigarettes
Let me recover my autonomy
to lead a life where I work for me
rent won't keep me slaving
money won't keep me hungry &
could never keep me from happiness
I recover each decision
I live my life

Let me recover my body
my ability to protect it
with words
Recover my voice
asserting beauty self confidence knowledge
dictating, "put a condom on"
Recover the expression of what's inside of here
recovering each cell
redirected to eat itself
to produce virus instead of
my own material
recovering each thought process
redirected to eat itself

Let me recover my mind
from all of the lies
let me recover the truth
contradicting information
I just read in a banned book that HIV was developed by a Roman secret society to control over population
Should I start taking my meds?
Can I recover this decision whatever it is?
Can I recover my mind
when I don't know what to believe?

Let me recover this space
to tell you who I am
we can recover how we relate
destroy patterns of patriarchal interrupting
recover good listening
recover marginalized power
I'll share the story of this spirit
derailed
redirected
reprogramming recovery
so that you won't ever have to recover yours