Subconscious

My subconscious, isn't my friend

You make me want to believe

What can I really think of

They are thoughts I really don't want

Well maybe I do

But I just can't convey them like I want

While one thing, may lead to another

All I can do is listen

Does everyone honestly think that's enough?

What about how you feel

One's pain can be another's enjoyment

So when we're happy

Does that make you sad

I honestly don't know how, to make you happy

Whenever things get better for me

They get worse for my friends

Relationships, schoolwork, jobs

And when I get worse, they get better

It's happened before

At every place

At every corner

Every time I move

As soon as I'm comfortable enough

I change schools

I change neighborhoods

I change myself

I can stand there and listen

Because when I start talking

I don't stop

And I say things I shouldn't

I talk a lot

And when someone tells me to shut up

I feel neglected, I feel shut out

Like I'm the worst person in the world

My subconscious

Is not my friend

It tells me things I could do

But then I end up never doing them

I run away to my writing

It makes me feel better

But still

I keep growing farther away from everyone

I want to trust people

But my heart tells me otherwise

Even the one I love

Is that neighboring star in which I dream of reaching to

The night is my friend

I am not my friend

It brings me joy

To make people happy

But I just can't do it

That I can make everyone happy

Author's Note

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Reviews

[unsavable_soul]

Very thought provoking,
You suffer somewhere in your mind I gather, but you shouldn't, you're a beautiful soul and your words say this much about you. You will have to find a balance in your life if you want to be happy. I will say this piece conveys how excellent you are at writing from your heart, which I would swear you wear on your sleeve; very close to the hand you write with.

"It's happened before
At every place
At every corner
Every time I move"

I love this placement, I really felt like I was trapped due to it's preceding and following lines. Keep this great stuff up.
Sincerely
Christopher

[Ravyne Hawke]

Very engaging, definitely made me stop and think about what you've written. I was intrigued that your subconscious is not your friend and that you are not your friend either... I understand about the moving around a lot.. new schools, new friends, not knowing if you will fit in, etc. We moved a lot when I was a kid too. Only issue I see is your punctuation. Read your lines out loud, if you have a natural pause, then you would need a comma, otherwise you would not use one. For example:

While one thing, may lead to another

you would not need a comma between thing and may.. read it out loud.. there is no natural pause there.
Good job all around though.

[Astro]

Take it from someone, who's often been the pillar, the shoulder to cry on, the voice in the light. It is honorable that you want to make others feel happy, but to quote you, "Whenever things get better for me
They get worse for my friends
Relationships, schoolwork, jobs
And when I get worse, they get better"

This makes me think of the saying "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." That's because, sometimes when we are trying to help someone else we can get dragged into their drama. Putting yourself in contact with toxic(negative) individuals has been seen in studies to lower ones own happiness simply by association. You do not need this. You say in your poem that you are happy, when you stay up late writing, but that this hurts others that you are hidden away. Don't sweat it. They should be supportive and if you are happy, then you are probably making the right choices. Their pain in seeing someone happy(if that is what happens) is a reflection of their own subconscious which isn't being listened to. Trust your instincts.

[Rita L. Sev]

True, you cannot make everyone happy. I can see the duality in your mind here - having thoughts you don't want, one person's pain another's enjoyment... A very telling line is :
I change schools
I change neighborhoods
I change myself

Wherever you are, be yourself. Change for no person except yourself. Anywhere you go, there will be those who do not appreciate you - so it is always best to be true to yourself, building strength of character. This strength will show, shining through as the confidence of knowing who you are. People respect this, even if they do not always agree with you. An important piece for you to have written - keep it up