To what we owe the world

There’s legends and stories,

that we enjoy listening to.

As a child we would listen,

with such interest.

Nowhere to return to,

we simply had each other to turn to.

We grew up in a small town,

it often snowed

Just a boy and a girl

Best friends if anything at all

So many times we tried to decide for ourselves

Once we grew older,

you were a woman

and I was a man.

There wasn’t much more to say,

as I strapped a sword to my side.

Riding on a metal horse

while you walked beside me

To what we owe the world,

to what we owe our friends.

In the end,

when the tide comes in.

Where are we left, 

with only our lives.

Author's Note

I honestly don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this one. It's horrible O.e

Reviews

[Ravyne Hawke]

I like that this begins with childhood and the stories we are told as children.. then advances to adulthood and trying to reenact those childhood stories. I absolutely love the metal horse imagery. This poem is very rough and the language you use in some places is awkward. Let me show you what I mean, using the first stanza as an example:

There’s legends and stories,
that we enjoy listening to.
As a child we would listen,
with such interest.
Nowhere to return to,
we simply had each other to turn to.

Now check this out:

As children, we listened
to legends and stories with such interest
We had no one to turn to except one another

I shortened it and pulled it tightly together.. do you see what I mean?

Anyway, I think once you work with this poem for a while, you will be able to tighten it and fix some of those awkward areas.

[Barbara Walker]

I thought the ending was a bit awkward to read. Maybe ""We are left with only our lives?" Using "where" indicates place and you are writing of a "thing" (lives" not a place. So that's why it didn't jell with me. Enjoyed reading the rest though!:)

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A gathered presence of fierce and timing elegance, a great piece.

[Astro]

I can picture a seasoned warrior about to go into battle saying this. Great imagination. Might be better as something spoken by a character in one of your stories, or, perhaps an inner monologue too. It is still thought provoking, in the dichotomy of the sexes and how, we all owe our lives to the next person in the end.

[Rita L. Sev]

Looks to me like you were thinking about growing up, relationships changing, and what your place in the world might be. It's a bit rough, but some good sentiments.

[Sami Khalil]

"To what we owe the world,
to what we owe our friends.
In the end,
when the tide comes in.

Where are we left,
with only our lives."
I think you are going deeper in matters of life and love , even friendship. A very good and thought provoking piece...Well done...:)