SUNKEN SOUL

A sunken love remain unburied in the hope to live once again.

Everything has been lashed off,
for my dreams were set alone those shores,
that i used to cheer,
adore,
and speak those endless stories,
in dark beautiful nights...

Over the surface i'm empty,
like those sunken islands,
with beauties miles down,
lying in silence,
away from rays,
away from life...

Infinite cries went unheard,
and tears mixed with sea,
but i still cry,
cry for those pearls,
for those memories,
yet with me,
dead and dark...

I'm still unburied,
for i wish to breath,
to live a life with her,
to rebuilt all with love,
with passion,
but unfortunately,
its an illusion,
which feeds my soul,
which keep me unburied...

Those rains do give hope,
for the world do turn green,
and i do believe,
that she'll know me,
my pain someday,
or maybe not???

Author's Note

Critique reviews welcomed

Reviews

[Nautili]

My favorite imagery in this is of the sunken island, it reminded me of the lost city of Atlantis... I like the idea of all the beauty and vibrant life being hidden from the surface. All the beautiful fish and coral now living in its crevasses....like a soul that has endured pain and loss, and a certain terrible beauty grows in its place, a wisdom and a profound patience to replace all the sunlit days.

[E. Ryan Miller]

The metaphors and similes in this are quite good. I would work on your capitalization, however (the beginnings of the lines and all proper nouns should be capitalized).

[Kuhr Gred]

:) like it.. full of memories of this poem.. Good Job! Keep write :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Nice description and flow of thoughts. Life allow us opportunity to know pain and happiness. Sometime luck and timing to be in the right place. I like the question at the end of the excellent poem.
Coyote

[Arte]

Selva, what a beautiful poem. We have to live for the momment and enjoy life even though life is unfair :). Thanks for sharing!

[luna11]

Great poem and beautifully written.
'for the world do turn green,'- I would say 'for the world does turn green'
I like the imagery in this poem.
Well done :)
xx

[Arte]

A beautiful poem! I love the imagery and it is well written.

[Crystal Marie Dreier]

This is beautiful I can relate to this in many ways. One day love will resurface and bloom once again!

[Bidu Ibrahim]

So beautifully sad! Use of very powerful imagery too. I really loved reading this poem. Good job and thanks a lot for sharing.
Just some suggestions though:
1. 2nd line - alone those shores OR along those shores?
2. 4th stanza 4th line - to rebuilt OR to rebuild?
3. Last stanza 2nd line - consider "..the world does turn..." instead of "...the world do turn..."

[Priya]

Well written. The emotions were well conveyed. With a little editing, I think this poem will be made very good.