Lies

She fed him words
That tasted sweet,
And stuffed him full
With her deceit.
She fed him lies
Right from the start,
So he would not
See her vile heart.
She told him she'd
Make him glorious
And that before
He wasn't notorious.
He longed to hear
What she would say,
Even when her sugar
Began to decay.

Reviews

[emipoemi]

I'm tempted to call on the grammar mistakes, but somehow this is coming across to me as a dialect piece....perhaps a character piece of sorts. But just in case:

"She feedS him...."
"She told him she'd/MAKE him glorious"

And another note - not necessarily required to be heeded, if you like the aesthetic of it (for the musicality still flows nicely despite it) - for aesthetic purposes, since you have the first two lines containing 4 syllables, why not make "right" join "From the start" and "see" join " Her vile heart"? Just a thought (like I said, the musicality flows nicely despite that aesthetic choice).

This is a fun read overall, and I quite enjoyed it. Well done!

[Sam]

Thank you! Your advice was really helpful!