Help Me Tonight

 

 

Hello there
 your my friend tonight aint cha?
Already taken some shots of you
Feeling my spirits heighten
memory puzzled a little like old age
Nice flame burning in my stomach
but my heart still squeezes
I thought you help with drowning
pain and sorrow
That's what I've heard
Why aint you helping me?
Please help me
I don't want to feel pain anymore
Please help me..
Jack Daniels..
please..help me..

 

Reviews

[Dillon Cotter]

The call for help, The call for a friend, for escape made this wonderful and so life like. Very good.

-Will

[Manda]

Well I thought it was very nice! I had to read it twice to enjoy it more...but thats ok. I think you could add a little more. Have more of a feeling. I didnt quite feel there. Not one of my favorites and I hope thats ok. Theres always time to improve =) I make mistakes too so thats all good. In fact I just got a review that needed work too. lol that kinda rhymes. Your writing is great and you got potential.
Good Job!

[Nicole]

I enjoyed this. :)
The plea for help made this poem very interesting.
Good job.

[ace]

interesting great use of personification depressing yet very well written good job

[Surrealstorm]

I like how you used Ain't in the poem (though others seem to disagree with me.) It gave the poem more personality, showed YOU, which is what i've always thought poetry should be. This poem flowed well though it seemed sad by the end. The emotions seem to jump off the page and insert themselves into the reader. Great write!

[Simone]

Gosh I loved this poem. It was one of the few poems I have truely lost myself in. Not too long, not too short.
I adore your style!
"aint cha?" my favorite bit for some reason, maybe cause it made the poem a little more ..rough? But in a good way. That bit drew me in and I could some how relate to that...
Keep up the wonderful work!

[Jenny Nelson]

I can feel desperation and need definitely coming from this. But help doesn't come in a bottle. It's a clever idea that well gets across someone in much need of a friend. A great job on this write. You really got a strong picuture, feel, and message across.

[misha]

great job I also agree you should not of used aint

[Fades]

we all need to fine our solace and comfort somewhere, and sometimes there is no better escape than this (until one of our good friends knock some sense into our head), you did well to capture and portray it. Like it.

[Sonya]

I loves the message. Though, I admit that you shouldn't use "ain't" for this particular poem.